Do Hard Things

“Don’t I deserve some down time?”

You fought many battles at work, slaying dragons and making things happen. Finally, you reached the end of your workday. You are on your way home and winding down from the stresses of the day. You arrive at home, enter the house, and immediately you are hit in the face with this. “The kids need help with homework”, “the sink isn’t draining the way it should”, “the delivery guy ran into the downspout today and it is cracked”, … What are you thinking?

“Give me a break! I’ve been dealing with this kind of (insert your own descriptive word) stuff from the moment I arrived at work until I got in my truck to come home!” “On the ride home, this idea was rolling around in my head about how nice it was going to be to get home and relax!” “Now, it is obvious that is not going to happen.” “Don’t I deserve some downtime and R & R?”

Your leadership does not end when you leave work

And yet, you know your leadership does not end when you leave work. The truth is you are just exchanging one hat for another. You are a leader no matter where you are. In the home, you lead as a husband, a father, and the example to the team that matters most, your family. Even when tired and unmotivated you need to step up and lead. You are the man and this is your calling. If you do not lead people suffer. Your wife takes on the burdens that you should carry. Your children suffer because though you are home, you are not present and engaged. Without you engaged, your team has no leader, no vision, no common direction.

This is just one example of the types of things we know we should do but, at times, find it difficult to muster up the grit to get it done and get it done the right way.

Comfort Entitlement

There have been times in my life I have succumbed to what I call “comfort entitlement”. I worked hard in area A and automatically thought I should be able to slack off and get a break in area B. Because of this, I feel like I gave up ground where I am called to lead. I experienced failure and lost opportunities in my home. I thought I earned the right to comfort. The pursuit of comfort led to complacency. My leadership suffered. This is a weak mindset that is not befitting of a man and it happens subtly.

It is always game time

What I realize today is that my leadership never ends. It is always “game time”. I am in the game every hour of every day. The time for rest and relaxation comes when I lay my head on the pillow at the end of the day. Even then, if an emergency arose, I would be back in the game and expected to perform. In my mind, this is what it means to be a man. So, this is what I am training my body, mind, and soul to do.

Living this “always in the game” lifestyle requires a level of grit that many men do not possess. It is not easy to respond the right way when you are tired, unmotivated, and ready for a break. The grit needed to overcome obstacles and challenges needs to be developed. The best way to develop grit is to do hard things. So, I am building a lifestyle of doing hard things in every area of my life physically, mentally, and spiritually. I push myself to grow and get better. What I am finding is that by doing so I am better prepared to respond in a way that honors God, the man in the mirror and enables me to be the rock for those I lead.

Where Do You Start?

So, where do you start if you want to build up this grit that enables you to perform consistently? For me, I started with getting in shape. This means consistent exercise and eating in a way that supports your physical fitness goals. Getting in shape and eating right involves “doing hard things” and pushing yourself when you’re not feeling it. I purposely lean in hard when these feelings creep up. I know when I don’t feel like it, this the best time to develop the grit I need. Over time, this response to the physical challenges begins to develop grit that impacts all areas of life.

As you build grit, by doing hard things physically, you will gain confidence and gain energy. This confidence transfers to other areas of life where you know you are not optimizing your performance. It doesn’t take long to think of hard things you should do that you are avoiding for some reason. Maybe its that conversation you know you should have but have been avoiding. It could be that project at work you have been putting off but is in the back of your mind and nagging you more and more each passing day. It could be that bad habit you have allowed to continue and have not confronted for months or maybe years. In all these things, write them down and start doing the hard things. Stop thinking about them. You are a man. Men do. Do the hard things!

Build a routine of doing hard things.

Let me give an example from my own life. I have a family and a challenging job. I devote my day to doing the job I have been called to do and serving my team. My evening is devoted to serving my family unit, my wife, and my son. In order to do all of this well, I need to be strong and at my best whether I feel like it or not. This is the challenge I train for. Daily I work to strengthen myself physically, mentally, and spiritually to be the best leader I can be. To do this, I have established routines of working out, reading the Bible, prayer, and reading/listening to something that will improve an area of my leadership that needs to be strengthened. (this could be home or work-related)

How am I going to establish a routine in all these areas and be consistent? I have found the only time I can truly control and be consistent is the early morning. So, I get up earlier than everyone else around me and do the work. My alarm is set for 4:30 am every day. Is it hard to do? Yes, it is hard to do. But developing grit, a key predictor of success requires “Doing Hard Things!”

Every morning my alarm goes off and I get up. I put on my headphones, listen to a passage from the Bible from my Bible app, while I make coffee. Then, I go to my workout shed and do my morning workout for the day. When I finish I meditate and pray. I eat, shower, and go to work Monday through Friday. While driving to work I listen to a podcast or audiobook on an area I need to strengthen. On the weekends I usually write in the mornings and meet with my Fraternity of Excellence brothers via video. The Fraternity of Excellence surrounds me with men of like minds that are constantly improving themselves and pushing me to improve. I cannot overstate the help they provide to me. (you can join by clicking on the sidebar on my blog) Every day I put in the work to train myself to be stronger in the midst of hardship. Every day, I improve my capability to do hard things and respond more effectively.

Another thing I try to do throughout the day is think about the things I am avoiding but know I should do. Like most people, I find myself gravitating to the things I enjoy. The problem is sometimes these are not the things that would make me a stronger leader. The harder, less enjoyable things I am avoiding are typically the ones I will benefit from most. These are the tasks I jump on and get done. After a while, I start looking for the hard things because I realize that the hard things are the things that make me stronger and develop grit. The more I develop grit, the higher the probability I will succeed.

I don’t want to give the impression that I never do enjoyable things because I do. I watch movies every so often with the family, go on hikes, go camping, hunting, and many other things. I truly enjoy life. But the change I have made is to be purposeful about developing this mentality of maximizing my ability to face and do hard things well. This is what men do. This is our role and we must train physically, mentally and spiritually so we can do this to our fullest potential.

So, what areas in your life would you like to see more success? What routines of doing hard things can you develop in those areas? Why can’t you start doing it right now? Add your thoughts in the comments below or email me with comments, questions, and/or feedback.

In your corner,