Leadership is about serving the people on your team. A leader’s job is to ensure those they lead have what they need to excel and win. Good leaders demonstrate support, open doors, and work to create environments where people can perform at levels they never thought possible. But too often, individuals in leadership positions support and even reward things they never intended to support and reward. Too often, this is why their teams never reach their full potential and never produce great results.

Memories that Drive Me

Working on a crew in a steel mill, like many manufacturing jobs, is a team sport. You need every individual to do their job well to get steel through the shop safely, efficiently, and of good quality. Team members have to work together, and each man depends upon the men next to them to make it happen.

On this particular night, we were in the break room before the start of our shift. It was a Friday night. One of the guys on our team walked into the room. “We are working shorthanded tonight.” Without mentioning a name, we all knew who it was. The same guy “laid out” many Friday nights. I sat there thinking to myself, “Why is this guy still working here?” We all knew he wasn’t sick. He was going to the club.

That night while he was out partying, we were working. We were trying to figure out how to make steel short-handed, so another teammate did not have to do a double shift. I remember thinking, “If I were a supervisor, I would do whatever I could to make sure this did not happen to my team.”

I took that experience and tucked it into the back of my mind. I did not want to forget how it made me feel. I did not want to forget how it impacted the best guys on our team.

Unfortunately, I experienced many incidents like this over the years. I recall that in situations like this, the best teammates suffered most because they cared about the team’s performance. They wanted to win and be successful.

I work to keep these memories alive. As a leader, I want to remember how poor performers negatively impacted morale and the overall team performance. These memories have helped me over the years to push myself to improve, support the best teammates and be the best leader I can be.

Backbones and Anchors  

Think about the best performers on any team you have been on or have led. How would you describe those individuals? Write down the characteristics that stand out most. Typically this list includes leads by example, initiates action, takes responsibility, demonstrates ownership, innovative, driven, results-oriented, self-starter, safety conscience, honest, customer-focused, team player, energetic, upbeat, learner, efficient, productive, and trustworthy. These are just a few of the many characteristics of the winners I have worked with over the years. They are the backbone of every high-performing team. They bring tremendous value to the organization. 

Think about the poor performers on any team you have been on or have led. How would you describe those individuals? Write down the characteristics that stand out the most. This list is often the opposite of the best performers. This list typically includes waiting for instructions, following the crowd, doing the minimum work required, being lazy, absent, late, mistake-prone, negative attitude, not trustworthy, and not a team player. They are limiting the performance of the team. They are an anchor. They slow down the group, create most internal problems, consume time, and drag down morale. They consistently consume more resources than they deliver results. They will kill your team.

The Leader’s Behavior Sets the Real Standard

So the problem is the poor performers, right?. No. The problem is leadership. Leadership sets the standard and the tone for the team. So many leaders like to talk about their performance standards and how their
values drive these standards. But our actual standard is revealed by what we do. Our behavior shows what
is most valuable to us.

As leaders, we should often assess our leadership, asking ourselves, “How am I doing?” One of the ways I
have evaluated my leadership is by taking a hard look at the poorest performers on the team I am
leading. Here is why I do this. No matter what I say, my standard is just below the performance of my poorest performer. This must be true. The fact that this person is still on the team demonstrates my standard must be just below their performance.

This is always the way our team is going to assess our leadership. We must take this to heart and own
it. The poorest behavior on our team is the behavior we are supporting. Therefore, our standard is just
below the behavior of our poorest performers.
 
In my career, I have worked at all levels. I started my career carrying tools, working in maintenance and operations at the crew level before moving into leadership positions. I worked shift work for almost ten years. I have held leadership positions on the front line, middle management, and senior leadership and had the privilege to lead several teams to record-breaking performance.

Over the years, I have experienced good and poor performers. I know the impact each can have on what a team can achieve. I have also discovered that many leaders do not recognize how not addressing poor performers is influencing the results of their teams. This type of leader creates bad morale and invites even the best performers to lower their performance. The leader’s behavior is often the reason for their team’s lack of performance.

Take Action – Build that Winning Team

So think about your leadership. Think about your team. Our leadership always rewards either our good performers or our poor performers. So which group is your leadership rewarding?

Lead for the great teammates that pull the load and make your team great. They have earned it. Reward them by making them the standard for the entire team. Recognize the things they do to get great results. Address those that do not support this. You will gain respect from the most respectable people on your team. You will open the doors for your team to be its best.

The hard work of addressing poor performers and rewarding good performers is the best way to serve your team. Your team will take the hill for you when you lead this way. They will win. And you will have the great experience of seeing them win!

Do the work. Lead well. Win.

In Your Corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Other posts on leadership:

3 Conditions that Build a Strong Foundation for Having Hard Conversations

An Easy Way to Improve Your Ability to Lead and Influence

When Leaders Need to be “Selfish” to be Strong

Our world desperately needs honorable, confident men that are internally driven by foundational values and beliefs. Solid in their minds, these men know who they are, why they are here, and where they are going in life. These men are on a mission. They are leaders and make everyone around them better.

Unfortunately, many men are not living this way. Instead, they are unsure of themselves. This insecurity leads to being influenced by external pressures. They sway from position to position, chasing after the opinions of others, expectations of others, and a need to be validated by essential people in their lives. They want to be strong but their insecurities hold them back.

In this post, I share some key steps I took to address the insecurities that plagued me and held me back from becoming a stronger man.

Living to someone else’s desires makes a man weak. This weakness bleeds over into every area a man is called to lead. His marriage, career, fatherhood, etc. They will never be as strong as they should be, and their relationships will suffer. I know. I was there. I was strong in some areas, but I had insecurities in other areas of my life. Even in the areas, I thought I was strong, I have since learned I was not as strong as I thought.

There is a way to change and fix this. You can move from the unsure man to the honorable, confident man. I did it. But it will require consistent, hard work. First, you must fix yourself and then fix the way you think about yourself. If you are willing to do the hard work, you will become the man you always wanted to be. This post is written to explain how I did this and how you can also.

A Conversation with My Wife

I sat at dinner across the table from my wife. One of the great things I enjoy doing these days is going to dinner and staring into the eyes of the woman I have been with for almost 30 years. She is a beautiful, strong woman with beautiful blue eyes. I enjoy our time together. It is one of the great blessings in my life.

This night, we talked about how things were going in our relationship.

Our relationship was not always what it is today. In the past, I was not living as a man worth following. I was not leading or loving well. My insecurities in some areas negatively impacted our relationship. I own where things were. My lack of leadership and strength resulted in a relationship going in the wrong direction.

In our conversation that night, she said something that stood out to me. She said, “the most significant difference I see in you is that you are settled and at peace with who you are.” This has brought strength and stability into our relationship.

She was right. Today, I am confident in who I am and the value I bring to the world. I learned how to lead and love myself. As a result, I can truly lead and love others. My love for others is based on how well I love myself. I am solid with the man I am today and the path of continuous improvement I am on.

How did I fix the many broken thoughts rolling around in my head that kept me from truly loving myself and being confident?

My strength throughout this process was/is rooted in my relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ. He saved me and gave me the power to persevere. Many of the steps required were painful. I had to dive head-first into my brokenness. Though the things I share will help any man, whether a believer or not, I would be remiss, not to mention that God gives me supernatural strength to overcome the hardships of life. I relied upon Him throughout the challenges of this process. He gave me the strength to persevere in it. He gave me the grit I needed to overcome.

The work I did killed many internal “demons”. I am still doing the work today and every day. Through the process, I became confident in who I am and the value I bring to the world. This has enabled me to be strong in my mind and to maximize the man God called me to be.

Here are some of the steps I took that helped me to fix myself:

How Do You Think About You?

Write down every thought you have about yourself, both good and bad. Try to put together a list of the things that roll around in your head when you think about yourself. Below are a few sources that helped me capture my thoughts. These are the types of people or events that tend to shape our mindset and how we think about ourselves. In addition to this, think about how you see yourself in different settings such as within your immediate family, extended family, work, church, community, etc.:

• Assessments (Personality, Strengths, Giftedness, etc.)
• Performance Reviews
• Spouse / Girlfriend
• Parents
• Coaches
• Bosses
• Coworkers
• Friends
• Anyone
• Trama
• Hardships
• Failures
• Victories

Put in the time to develop a reasonably exhaustive list of how you think about yourself.

What is Not True?

Review the list and strike through all that is false. Why are these things in your thoughts? When in your life did you start thinking this way? What happened? Who was involved?

For example, many men grow up having difficulty with rejection and inadequacy. Often, these thoughts come from early relationships with their parents. There are many reasons for this but it is often because they were ignored, neglected, or felt like they could never measure up. They tried to get approval from those they love, but it never happened. So even when they grow up and are successful in life, they still carry around the idea in their heads that they are not good enough and will never be fully accepted. They yearn for acceptance. The unresolved issues that caused this thinking will need to be revisited and fully addressed. Otherwise, these thoughts will continue to fuel behaviors that make it difficult for many relationships in his life. He will often find himself overreacting to criticism and escalating simple disagreements, especially with people they love and respect. This man will struggle to be strong and bring stability into his relationships. The marriage relationship and fatherhood tend to take the biggest toll.

What do you need to face and resolve? Is there a conversation you need to have with a parent, spouse, or friend? Do you need to bring something into the light that you have been ignoring? Confront the issue, put it on the table, and talk it out. Bring it into the light. Nothing gets fixed in the dark. These things fester in the darkness and tend to get worse over time. They will take deeper roots in your mind. Bring it out and work on it.

What is True That You Don’t Like?

Review the list and circle everything true that you don’t like. These items are your worklist. These are things you need to work on and level up. These are likely things that negatively impact your confidence. Some of them may be addictions; porn, alcohol, food, etc. They have been with you so long they have become part of your identity and how you think about yourself. You must change these to gain the confidence you desire. Reach out to men you trust that have won these battles. Tell them about your struggles and the change you want to make. Listen for advice and develop actions. Nothing changes without taking action. Take action and improve. Start to fix these items. 

In addition to addictions start working on anything else you do not like. For example, if you are overweight or not physically fit, you need to work on this. Your fitness level will play into your ability to love yourself and be confident in who you are. If you do not like how you dress, this is what you need to work on. This will play into your ability to be confident in who you are, especially around others. Whatever it is, you need to work on the things you do not like and strengthen them.

As you work to improve, you must routinely evaluate where you are on these items and update your list. Eventually, if you continue to do the work these issues will transform from weaknesses to strengths. When they do, you need to make sure your mindset is updated with the improvements. Many men fix things on the surface but still think about themselves as “they were” rather than as “they are.” This is a critical part of the process. Continually update and align your thinking with your reality.

What is True That You Like?

How has God gifted you? What are the things you are just a “natural” at doing? When you do them, you positively impact people. You have success and help others have success. You win.

I believe God has equipped every person in unique ways to impact this world. God will often lead you to your mission in life through the process of discovering these things. 

(For more on finding your mission read: Living Life in the Sweet Spot of Your Unique Design)

What about experiences you have had that have made their mark on you? These often result in great life lessons that you find yourself revisiting often for yourself and for others. These experiences have shaped you in ways that now enable you to bring value to the world. 

What are you passionate about? What gets you fired up? When you talk about these things, you feel the excitement building in you, and you can often see the excitement building in others. 

What skills do you have that are easy for you but not so easy for others? These are life skills you’ve learned that make you a valuable man within certain circles. All these things are strengths that you should think about often. This is who you are and the value you bring to this world. As you grow and improve this list will grow and so will your confidence and strength.

Do The Work

Nothing happens without taking action. Build the plan and start doing the work. Action changes things. Start moving forward just a little every day. Do one thing every day that moves things in the direction that makes you a better man. Start building a man you respect. Build the man you want to be.

Fix the areas that are lies. Address the root causes.

Fix the areas that are true that you don’t like. Do the work to make those weak areas strong. 

Lean into the areas you know you are strong. Play to those strengths and make them even stronger. 

Often reassess as you change. Update your mind to align with the work you are doing. If you consistently work, you will be in a constant state of change. Make sure your mind comes along with your improvement, and your thinking aligns with the new you.

A better man is available to those that put in the work. So put in the consistent work and maximize the man God created you to be. Become all He intended. Do not allow anything to stand in your way.

Be strong. Be a man of GRIT.

In Your Corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

How do we stay grounded when the world unravels around us? This is an important question. I believe groundedness is an essential characteristic for men. God designed us to be a source of strength for those around us. We are to be the rock among crashing waves and the oak that bends but never breaks in the storm. When we are strong and grounded, the world around us can be in utter chaos, but we can think with clarity; we are steady inside and are able to make the calls that need to be made.

I have led within the steel industry for years. I have faced stressful situations and led teams out of challenging scenarios to victory many times throughout my career. I have done this from the ground floor, supervisor, manager, and general manager levels. But it was only recently I stepped back and thought about how to develop this groundedness. So, over the past few years, I have zeroed in on building this ability and becoming stronger. This post summarizes how I am doing this in my life.

Staying grounded is directly correlated to our inner strength. Building inner strength is something I am doing in three ways. The first is in developing my relationship with God. The second is the daily development of my body, mind, and spirit. And the third is developing purposeful relationships with strong brothers. Continuous development of these three areas has built the core of my inner strength as a man more than anything else in my life.

The Core of My Strength

God My Strength

At the center of my core is God. God is the ultimate strength in our universe, the Almighty God. There is no power or strength beyond him. He is my main source of strength and wisdom. He is the one I completely trust with my life.

We can fool ourselves and are often blinded to reality as human beings. Our assessment of ourselves and others can sometimes be skewed and distorted because of the influence of sin in our lives. God is apart from that influence, and he sees all things outside the confines of time. He sees things as they are. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. In him, we have insight that goes far beyond human understanding. He directs our path according to what is best for us from an eternal perspective. He guides us in living in ways that support his mission in this world. In following Jesus, I have entrusted my entire life to God. He is the Creator and Master of my soul.

God will always be at the center and the primary source of my strength. He offers through his spirit supernatural strength in my soul. The more I am plugged into him and doing his will; the more evident his supernatural power will be in me.

I develop this strength in God in a few ways. One way is by reading and studying the Bible, which gives me a better understanding of God, myself, and how to relate to Him. I also talk to him often throughout my day. I speak to him about what I learned and ask His wisdom regarding applying it in this life. Finally, and most importantly, I put what I learned into action by faith. Putting God’s principles into action requires faith and trust. Faith in action is when God’s power becomes a reality in us. Taking action triggers the supernatural power of God. Action aligned with His truth brings power for life.

Body, Mind, Spirit

After God, the second piece of my core inner strength comes from routinely engaging myself in building a strong body, mind, and spirit. There is an interconnectedness in these three that many do not realize. I have discovered that building strength in my physical body also strengthens my mind. One way my mind becomes stronger is by overcoming difficulties. It is hard to consistently train. In doing so we are often overcoming hardship. For example, I find myself often fighting the battle in my mind to skip a workout or cheat on my diet. But I have discovered that every time I overcome these things, I gain strength mentally. The man who can routinely step up and do something he does not feel like doing physically will also leverage that into many other aspects of his life. That man will multiply his wins.

This mental strength also enables me to be more disciplined in my spiritual life. I find it easier to establish daily routines that draw me closer to God and fans His fire in my spirit.

The other thing that happens when you routinely workout is you gain energy and stamina. This makes everything easier. When you are faced with situations that require you to step up to the plate and make things happen, you are ready. Even when you’ve worked hard and are tired, you have developed the ability to go just a little more. You can respond to the hardships and surprises of life the right way because you are not exhausted from a life of lazy complacency. You can always dig deeper and respond according to your values rather than react based on your emotions.

Body, mind, and spirit are interrelated. My recommendation is always to start with the physical. Workout, eat right and get good sleep. Build that routine into your daily life and then build the mental and spiritual. As I did, you will likely discover that many of your mental and spiritual failures/victories are related to your physical condition.

Brotherhood

Lastly, the third piece of my core strength comes from surrounding myself with high-value men who are on a path of continuous improvement. It is not good enough to just surround yourself with men. You need to surround yourself with men that are also dialing themselves in physically, mentally, and spiritually.

These need to be men working to be in the top 10% or better of society. They need to be driven men that are on a mission. They desire to be solid men that lead solid families, influence workplaces, influence the world, and other men. This desire drives action. They are DOING things to become better, not just talking about it.

These men will speak truth into your life and tell you the hard stuff that others will not tell you. These need to be men that are content but never satisfied. They will be improving themselves right up until their last day on this earth. This is hard to find. I could not find this in my life until I found the Fraternity of Excellence. Only there could I see men that were genuinely driven to the degree that inspired me and encouraged me to work hard and become a better man.

Practical Application to Life

I continually ask myself how I am doing in these three core areas. If I am solid, I know I can move out and engage with strength and effectiveness without being sidetracked by the stresses and pressures of life.

Strength in my core puts me in a position of power to be effective as I engage my immediate family, wife, and son. Likewise, being solid with God, self, strong brothers, and immediate family puts me in an excellent position to engage friends and extended family effectively and in strength.

This continues to work relationships, community relationships, and the world.

I routinely assess my engagement and effectiveness in these areas starting from the core and moving outward. Suppose I begin to sense myself unraveling, worrying, not engaging effectively. In that case, I move my focus back toward my core and repair or reinforce the point of weakness until I am solid enough to move out again. This process will never end in this life. It is a continuous cycle that requires work from now to my last day. This also emphasizes how important it is to have strong routines in place to continuously feed the core of our strength.

Once outside my Core,  engagement with others is prioritized by my personal values. For me, my values drive the following priorities in the following order.

Priority #1 – Immediate Family

Priority #2 – Friends and Extended Family

Priority #3 – Work Relationships

Priority #4 – Community Relationships

Priority #5 – World Relationships

So what about you? What is your core? How are you strengthening your core? How often do you assess where you are? How are you doing when the stress levels rise? Start to build your core. Establish your routines and establish consistency so that you will be a man that stays grounded in chaotic times.

Got questions? Reach out @ menofgrit.j3lead@gmail.com

In Your Corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

To me, there are few things worse than living with the perception of winning on the outside while at the same time knowing you are losing on the inside. I have been there. I lived a life that was slowly eroding while the outside world thought I was winning. But to the man in the mirror, I knew I was a fake. I was not authentic. I knew I was not living to my full potential. I was only living a fraction of the life I could live. I chased comfort and became complacent. Discipline was far from me. I did not like the man I had become.

The change started with a bad blood test in April of 2019. In May 2019, I attended the Echelon Front Muster event in Chicago with Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. In doing the morning PT, I realized what I needed to do. It was time to turn things around, beginning with my physical health. I began to work out and started to change my eating habits. Several months later, I joined the Fraternity of Excellence,  a group of men striving to be high-value men in all areas of life. This was like fuel on the fire for me. The help I received gave me insight into what I needed to do to become a better man. I got on the path to being a better man and have been on that path ever since.

I have since transformed myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am not where I want to be, but I am in a much better place than I was. I am on a trajectory of improving every day. My daily question is, “What am I doing today to be a little better than the man in the mirror yesterday?”

On my journey, I have discovered that the men who develop daily discipline are men who win. I wish I could give other men a pill or a shot in the arm so they could automatically be disciplined. I wish I had the silver bullet. I am still trying to figure that out. So I stay focused on leading by example and sharing my experiences. This blog is about sharing what I learn on my journey to spur other men on to a better life.

Here are three things that have helped me develop the daily discipline to become a stronger man physically, mentally, and spiritually.

The Power of Pain

I have experienced the results of a life chasing comfort. It produced a complacency in me that was slowly eroding my strength as a man. I was becoming undisciplined, became susceptible to addictive behaviors, and was living a life of weakness. My relationship with my wife was far from where it needed to be. My example to my son was not where I knew it should be. I was not the man I needed to be, and I knew it. To me, it was painful to live that way. I knew I could be a better man. I knew I was a stronger man, but I was not doing the things to draw that man out.

I was not a man worthy of respect. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I could see it in my own eyes. I did not respect myself, and it showed in the way I was living. I do not ever want to forget that pain. I keep the memory alive because I have found power in it. That pain drives me when others give up or do not stay the course. I do not ever want to go back to those days. Many times I do not feel like doing the work required to be a better, stronger man. But all I have to do is remember how messed up things were before. How I felt about myself back then drives me to do the work to maximize myself today. Those days were dark. It is painful when you do not like yourself. I am grateful for where I am today. The pain of yesterday moves me today.

The Power of Peers

As Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Those you surround yourself with matters. Those you listen to matters. Take the time to sit down and think about those you spend time with and listen to. What is their life like? How does this compare to the life you would like to have? What is their trajectory? Where are they going? Are they going there at the rate you would like to go?

For me, I needed to be around men that were seriously driven. I knew that the required changes in my life could not be addressed with a half-hearted weak effort. I needed to be all in. That is the only way I have ever made a change in my life. But, unfortunately, I knew all too well the results of half-hearted efforts.

This was difficult because I saw many men who were satisfied with the status quo when I looked around. They were either satisfied or not willing to do the work. Most were going with the flow of society. They were not on a path to become strong men. I needed to associate myself with those that were setting themselves apart. I needed to associate with men that were not satisfied but always striving to be better.

Being associated with high-value men, I noticed something. When you choose to associate with these men, you really need to commit to going all in. Men that are serious and driven about going to higher places do not wait around for those that are not serious. They expect action and movement. You cannot be dead weight when you join forces with stronger men. You need to commit to moving from bad to better to best. If you do not, they will not hang with you. You need to add to the momentum, not hold it back. 

Associate with high-value men and do not become the dead weight.

Read More:

Tremendous Advantages of Connecting with High-Value Brothers

Making the Most Gains from the Fellowship with Strong Men

The Power of Purpose

Why am I here? What am I striving for in life? There is strength in living with purpose. I wrote about this in a few past blog posts listed below.

I look at life a lot more holistically today than I had previously. I see the connections between body, mind, and spirit. For a man to be all he was created to be, he must be strong in all three.

For me, I know why I am here on earth at this time. I have been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. God saved me from the highway to hell and put me on a path of purpose and value. He has called me to live a life that demonstrates an appreciation to Him for what He has done. His calling is to do this with all my heart, all my mind, all my spirit, and all my strength. I have been saved by grace (unmerited favor) through faith in the person of Jesus and what he has done on my behalf. It is not by works that I am saved, but I am saved to do good works in the name of the one that saved me, Jesus.

So I have developed my own mission statement. “Honor God, be true to the man in the mirror, and be a rock for those around me.”

The foundation to accomplish this mission is to be a man who is continuously improving physically, mentally, and spiritually. I must be an overall strong man to truly honor the God that made me. It is about being a good steward of the life he created in me. I must stay true to the man he made me to be. I cannot be influenced by the opinions of others, the expectations of others, and the validation of others. I must work to stay authentic to who I was created to be.

In the end, if I do these things, I will be a rock for those around me. I know God has called me to lead and influence others, and that begins with being an example worth following. It starts in my home and extends out from there.

Today I work hard to keep moving forward and keep improving. I have done a lot of work to cut out the bullshit in my day-to-day life that has often cluttered my days. These are things that added no value and did not move me forward on my mission. It is amazing how much you can get done when you eliminate the things that do not move you forward.

Read More:

A Simple Vision, Focus and Target for Improving Your Life

Living Life in the Sweet Spot of Your Unique Design

The Powerful Impact of a Man that Knows His Destiny

The Call to Action

So, where are you on the path of moving from Comfortable Complacency to Daily Discipline? I can tell you if you are still more complacent than disciplined, you are heading for painful times. You might think you are okay, but that is only because you do not really know how good it can be on the other side. Challenge yourself. Look yourself in the mirror for 1 minute. Eyeball to eyeball, look at yourself, and be honest. Do you like the man in the mirror? Are you happy with the path you are on? Where are the gaps physically, mentally, and spiritually? Start to embrace the pain as fuel to change, seek out peers going in the same direction you want to go, and build a mission that brings purpose into your life. Get on the path to a better life, brother. No one ever regrets this!

Thank you men for visiting Men of Grit. Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

“My religious beliefs teach me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time of my death. I do not concern myself with that, but to be always ready whenever it may overtake me. That is the way all men should live, and all men would be equally brave.”

Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson

As Christian men that truly believe, we should have a powerful perspective that leads to an uncommon strength and courage that stands out in the midst of the chaos of this world. This uncommon strength and courage bear witness that the power of Almighty God dwells within us. But even the strongest men have times that move us off course, and we find ourselves in need of adjusting our perspective. When this happens, how do we get back on the right path?

Fear and chaos seem to be the message of our day. Without the proper perspective and a level of discernment, it is easy to be swept away into the rushing water of an emotional reaction to the craziness of our world. Pandemics, social unrest, protests, riots, shootings, and many other stories flood the news streams of our day. As a result, many people are led down a path of fear. They are being lured into believing the world is out of control and destined to crash and burn.

But the Christian man has reason to stand firm in the midst of the raging waters. For he stands on a foundation that is unshakeable and immovable. Yet many times, we get sidetracked, allowing the world around us to pull us away from what is true. At times it is hard to remember that the circumstances of this world do not change the truths that provide us strength and power in life.

The Distraction of the Chaos

Peter, along with several other guys, was in the boat. It was late at night, and the storm clouds rolled in on them in force. The wind and waves slammed against the boat. There was chaos in their world. Little did they know that in the midst of the chaos, Jesus was there. When he appeared, they thought he was a ghost, and this added to their fear. But then he spoke to them. “Take heart; it’s me. Do not be afraid.” His presence brought strength and eased their fears like it often does for us.

Peter was a bold and often fearless man. He acted when others stood by thinking about it. This was his nature, and I love that about Peter. He was a man’s man and seemed to have only one mode of operation, go forward! He was rarely timid. All fight and no flight is the way I see Peter. At this time, he was ready to put his faith into action. In the presence of the Savior, he was ready to be bold and demonstrate his faith by doing! Here is how it went.

And Peter answered him, “Lord if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:28-31)

I think this is a great example of what happens to us at times. Unfortunately, sometimes we lose focus. We have great times of boldness and zeal. We are full of faith, strong and bold as a lion. But there are also times when the waves of the world’s problems start to creep into our peripheral vision. We notice them and give them our attention, and we begin to lose our faith focus. We find ourselves reasoning in ways that do not account for the fact that we are in covenant with Almighty God. We remove our eyes from the source of our power and zero in on the chaos. Like Peter, the storms grab our attention, and we go under, consumed by the waves.

I can always tell when this starts to happen to me. I sense the stress level going up. My sleep starts to be affected. I can tell in my spirit that my focus is off. My spirit and God’s Spirit are not aligned. In these times, I realize that I am not living what I say I believe. As a result, I am devoid of the power of God. This is when I know it is time to fall back to a couple foundational truths that help me gain the right perspective and re-align with what I believe.

This is Not My Heaven

In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?

Jesus

John 14:2

We have a tendency to stress over this life when we forget that our heaven is yet to come. For the Christ-follower, this life is the worst we will ever experience. Heaven awaits us, and it will be many times greater than the greatest experience we have ever had here on earth. We have guaranteed perfect days ahead!

This does not mean we stop striving to be better. It is actually the opposite. Because we know we are with our King and Savior today in spirit, and one day in person, we work to be the best we can be. We work to utilize all the resources he has given us to their fullest. We honor him by the way we live. Because our destiny is sealed, we are now free to push into life. We do not have to strive and stress working to “get mine.” Our riches are yet to come. Work hard but do not stress!

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison

2 Corinthians 4:17

For unbelievers, this world is the best they will ever experience. An eternity separated from all goodness awaits those that do not accept the salvation God offers in his son Jesus. At times this lack of hope causes many to fall into frustration and depression. Many work to build their heaven on earth in the here and now before they die. If things do not work out, there is no hope for better days. This often drives many to desperation, especially when the future world seems bleak.

… if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile … If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied …

1 Corinthians 15:17-19

If this is all there is and there is nothing beyond this life, things must work out. This life must work out because there is nothing beyond this life. There is no hope. But for the believer, as great as life can be, the greatest experiences are yet to come. This can be powerful in the mind of a man. Our perspective needs to be to enjoy the day but recognize that our heaven is yet to come.

My Victorious End is Certain

I know where I will end up when all this is over. Because of faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ, I know my sins are forgiven, and my way to heaven has been paved by the sacrificial death of Jesus and his powerful resurrection from the dead. This sealed my eternal destiny.

I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life.

1 John 5:13

Too often, when the chaos hits and the world crashes against our lives, we forget. No matter how bad the situation in life, our victory is established, and our end is guaranteed. It is finished. Nothing will separate us from the hand of God. Nothing will separate us from the love of God that has been demonstrated in the death of Jesus.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:37-39

This brings great freedom into life. My future will be in glory with my Savior. Because of this, I do not worry about the things that most worry about. I am free to take risks and do the things that others are often afraid to do. If it does not work out in this life, I know my end, and it will be better than anything I have experienced in the here and now. I am in the hands of God, never to be separated. I will experience the victory that Jesus Christ won.

I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.

Jesus

John 10:28

When I am not walking in faith, I need to remember this. I do not need to worry. I do not need to strive and chase after the things of this world as if this is it. Eventually, the end will come. The world will be destroyed by fire. A new heaven and new earth will take its place, and I will reign with the King of kings and Lord of lords. What do I have to fear?

Call to Action – Maintaining Perspective

Shore Up Your Future. Are you certain about your future after this life? I believe you can be absolutely certain. But none of us know the time of our last breath. Because of this, our eternity needs to be a priority. Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson had it right when he said, “God has fixed the time of my death. I do not concern myself with that, but to be always ready whenever it may overtake me. That is the way all men should live, and all men would be equally brave.”

Too often, the idea of eternity seems so far away, and we fall into the trap of thinking we have time to dig into this question. As a result, it never seems to get to the top of our list. It is always on the “tomorrow list.” One day tomorrow will not come for you. It will be too late. “Today is the day of salvation.”

I can tell you that knowing my end has brought great freedom into my life. So dig into the truth and shore up your future. Living with this knowledge helps tremendously with maintaining a powerful perspective in the midst of the day’s chaos.

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy[a] that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

Jesus

Matthew 7:13-14

Know the Truth. Study the truth of the Bible. Understand what it says about you as a believer, the world around you, and what it says about being in a covenant relationship with God. God has provided you so much truth about this world and how to live in it. He reveals things about the power and strength that you have available to you. Too often, men aren’t living in this power because they do not know it. The more you understand, the stronger your perspective will be. Spend time studying personally. Spend time listening and learning from gifted teachers that teach in alignment with what you read in the Bible. Spend time learning the truth and become solid in what you believe.

“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Jesus

John 8:31-32

Spend Time With Your Source of Power. When you learn the truth, talk about it with your Savior. You will read things that make you grateful; express that. You will read things that challenge you; ask Him for power to meet the challenge. You will read things you do not understand; ask Him to reveal the truth to you. Talk to Jesus about what you read and think about how they apply to living a strong life.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Jesus

John 16:33

Most of us have battery-powered tools. These tools must return to the charger every so often. If they do not, they will wear down and eventually are unable to do their work. We are like that. We need to spend time connected to the source of our power. Only then will we live powerful lives that overcome the troubles of this world. It is Jesus that overcomes trouble in this world. He needs to be powerful in us so that we overcome. Get connected and overcome!

Live What You Know. Live out what you learn. God does not reveal the truth to us to just think about it. He reveals it to us so that we take action by faith. When we learn, we need to convert the truth into action. Do what you know. God works in those that live out the truth he reveals. In turn, He will reveal more truth as you live it out.

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.”

Jesus

Matthew 7:24

Men, we need to build ourselves up so that we are strong in God’s truth and God’s power. The storms and chaos will come. We follow a King and Warrior that has overcome all the things that threaten to steer our minds away from what is true. His power is our power. We can never forget his truth. Work to fill the gaps of your faith. Build this into your routine. Strengthen your body, mind, and spirit so that you conquer the chaos and maintain that powerful perspective in this crazy world.

Other related posts:

A Look at the Fierce Strength of Jesus in Hardship

The Powerful Impact of a Man that Knows His Destiny

The Man that “Puts It On The Line” Experiences God

The Rugged Man’s Perspective of the Other Side of Jesus

Thank you men for visiting Men of Grit. Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Strength in the midst of the storms of life. This is what men are called to be.

Are you prepared for the day when your number is called to be the strong man?

Bad things happen in life. Death, divorce, breakups, shattered dreams, disappointments, fears, hardships are all around us. Sometimes the stability of our world is threatened, and people’s foundation is shaken. People lose hope.

In times like these, many desperately need a source of strength. They need someone to help lead them out of the mental downward spiral that often accompanies hardships. They need someone with answers, direction, and hope. Men are called to fulfill this need. They are called to be strong in the midst of the storms of life.

I believe we should constantly be working to be this type of man. We should have the ability to bring stability in the midst of chaos. We should be able to lead others out of dark situations and into better places.

Recently, I experienced this in a couple ways.

The first was during the time of Covid. While much of the rest of the world was at a standstill, paralyzed by panic and fear, my family and the families of the men in my tribe were moving forward.

With my group of men, we were building contingency plans, feeding off each other’s ideas, and preparing for what could possibly happen. At the same time, we were moving forward with life by working hard to be an example.

Many used the situation to justify their world collapsing, telling themselves and others, “I cannot work out anymore,” “my diet is suffering, and I am gaining weight,” “I am unable to continue living in a meaningful way,” etc. But within the tribe of men I associate with, we were using this hardship to improve at rates far beyond the time before Covid.

Many of us worked hard to maximize our fitness (one of the best things anyone can do to battle any illness) and improve ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually. While others were paralyzed by fear, we were working and becoming stronger. We were improving our lives and the lives of our families. We were being examples and setting the tone that this would not stop us from moving forward in life. We all came out of this time stronger than we were when it started.

The second time I experienced this is in the recent death of my dad. I really thought we had another five to ten years left. Right up to the end, we thought he would pull out of it. But dad passed on February 15, 2021.

In many ways, I am certain that the work I had been doing over the previous years helped prepare me for this time. I had pushed through many hardships, facing and destroying the root causes of those things that made me weak physically, mentally, and spiritually. I worked hard to dial myself in to become much better at being a strong man.

When it came time to join forces with my brother in making decisions, leading the family to find strength in the Lord, I was prepared. The night dad was removed from the machines and took his last breath, it was my time to be strong. Both my dad’s lifelong mentoring of me and the work I had been doing to build strength as a man came together with the power and grace of God.

God led me to the perfect Scripture verses and words that encouraged our hearts and made us realize that God had this entire situation well in hand. He carried my dad and walked with him from this life and into the next.

Along with our closest friend, we then led the effort at my dad’s funeral service to honor my dad and honor God. We were able to be strong in a time when many needed to see strength. Having the strength to lead in these times is the difficult thing that men are called to do. In my mind, this is what we are training for. We are training for life.

The strength I built over the past couple of years in body, mind, and spirit enabled me to remain strong in the midst of these hard times. Through this and other situations, I have learned many things. Here are three that have helped me successfully navigate hard times and be a strong presence, a rock, for those around me.

Build Your Round Table

As men, we need a round table of strong men that can help us in our quest to become stronger men. We need to surround ourselves with men that are committed to this path. These need to be men that want to be the best men they can be in body, mind, and spirit.

Here are a few characteristics I think make good round table men. Round table men are engaged in the battle and consistently taking action to become stronger men. They talk about improving, but more importantly, they DO IT! Round table men are men you can trust with your struggles and weaknesses. You can share it all with them and rant when you need to. These men have your best interest at heart and want to see you win. They tell you what you need to hear to become better. They are experienced men that have fought some battles and won and are willing to share this with you.

These are the types of relationships that pay huge dividends. These are the relationships men need to have. As the proverb says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)
Too many men today are lone wolves without a pack. Lone wolves will never achieve the strength of those with a pack. The pack makes us stronger. Men within a pack learn from each other. We have a place to unload when the pressure builds up. We can get it out and get the help we need to readjust our mindset and go back into the world, taking on the hard things of life.

Often within my round table of men, I will find a man who had similar experiences to those I am facing. They offer great advice based on what worked for them. They tell me what to look out for and what they would do differently if facing the same thing today. Many times just talking it through gives me clarity for making better decisions. I cannot overstate the strength I have gained by having these discussions.
If you want to be the strong man in the storm, start building a round table of strong men.

Read more on the Tremendous Advantages of Connecting with High-Value Brothers

Repair Chinks in Your Armor

Talk to other men that walked through storms of life. Listen to their hardships. Put yourself in their shoes. Think about what it would be like if the same thing happened to you. How would you respond? In what ways do you feel like you would have a hard time? What opportunities does this reveal? When you talk to other men, ask them what they found most challenging. What would they do differently today?

Visualizing yourself in these hardships and asking these questions helps reveal the chinks in your armor. It is a great way to identify our weaknesses before real life hits. It allows us to formulate and execute a plan that will strengthen potential weaknesses. It will enable us to repair these things and become stronger and more prepared. Now we can begin to do the work and address these issues.

In addition to this, we should think about how we respond to different levels of stress? What habits and addictions do we fall back to when the pressure is on? Do we run to things like porn, drinking, drugs, or other vices? What are the root causes and reasons we run to these things? What pain are we self-medicating? Address these root causes, and we will become stronger and healthier and better prepared to handle the weight of the hard things in life.

Or maybe we do not run to these things, but we just become too emotional and cannot respond in strength to certain things. Identify those and work with your round table to develop actions to address these issues and become stronger.

Improve Your Carrying Capacity

Do hard things regularly. Do not pull back from the difficult things in life. Push into them. They will help you to learn how to carry more. In training your body, you need to apply stress over time to build your muscles. In much the same way doing hard things builds up your ability to handle stress. The best way to do that is to take on the difficult things of life. You will develop the ability to think clearly and do the right things amid life’s most stressful situations.

Another thing you can do to help improve your carrying capacity is to talk with your round table when you lean into the hard stuff. Run it by these guys to get their insight. What happened? How did you respond? Why did you respond that way? What went well that you want to do again? What did not go well, and how could you do it better in the future? Build a better plan for the next time. Look for the opportunity to put yourself to the test again.

For me, I like to jot down a few notes and review the main points I want to imprint into my mind. I have found that the practice of writing it down, saying it aloud, and repeatedly reading helps me to ingrain it in my mind.

Like anything in life, the key is to do the thing you want to improve. Nothing beats repetition. Step up to the plate and be the strong man that does not back off. Engage and improve your ability to carry more.

Read more Do Hard Things

Call to Action

In this world, we will have trouble. What action can you take to prepare yourself for the inevitable? Someone needs to be the strong man that steps up, provides direction and hope. Why not you? The only thing stopping you is you. Start today. Build your round table, identify the chinks in your armor and begin the work of repairing them, and do the hard things that increase your ability to carry the weight. Identify a couple gaps and do something today. Do not wait and allow it to go to the wayside.

Hardships are guaranteed to happen for all of us. We need to prepare. All of our training, physical, mental, and spiritual, is done to improve our ability to successfully live the life we have been given. Take action!

Thank you men for visiting Men of Grit. Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

It has been said that death is a part of life, and that is true. Every man will face it. To most, it is considered life’s greatest hardship. But death is also the one hardship that most men intentionally avoid thinking about.

Strong men will push themselves into all kinds of hardships and work hard to prepare themselves for the most difficult things in life. But these same men will often avoid the subject of death. As a result, many are not prepared for what lies ahead.

February 15, 2021, @ 1:30 am, I said goodbye to my dad. He lived for 75 years, and now he is gone. I miss him. It is hard. But when you experience death, it makes you realize that death is coming. Whether we take the time to think about it or not, it is the inevitable storm of life closing in on all of us. Its rumble can be heard in the distance. It is nearer today than it was yesterday.

As men, we provide strength, structure, stability, and safety in life. But what about when it comes to the topic of death? Are we prepared for death? When we face death, will we remain the rock for those around us? If we continue to avoid the subject, the answer is certain. We will not. We will not be prepared. This is not an area of life where we will just “wing it” and win. Winning requires we lean into the subject and prepare ourselves to be strong enough to uphold those around us.

Here are three things I have discovered in my journey of thinking through death. I hope they are helpful to you as you accept the challenge and prepare yourself.

The Real Test

Many belief systems work for life. Many belief systems will enable you to experience success while living in this world. We see it all around us. There are successful people throughout the world that hold to a variety of belief systems. We can learn a lot from each other in this way. We can learn how to successfully navigate through life.

Personally, I often listen, read, and engage with individuals that hold to belief systems that are different from mine. I have learned many helpful things regarding fitness, career, writing, style, relationships, fatherhood, leadership, do-it-yourself ideas, etc. I filter ideas through my personal belief system (my mission, vision, and values) and apply them in ways that fit my life and the way I want to live. I have found great value outside the circles of my personal faith.

However, I believe the real test for a belief system is how it stacks up when it comes to death. Does what you believe prepare you for the inevitable day? Do you find strength and courage to successfully navigate death? Many belief systems fail miserably when it comes to facing death. They may be strong in life, but there is no hope and a lot of ambiguity when it comes to death. I think there is considerable value in thinking through these questions and taking action to prepare.

I have found strength and freedom through the process of leaning into these questions. I have forced myself to think through them and then build up the areas I am weak. Having gone through my grandfather’s death as a teenager and now recently my dad, it is back on my list of things I am working on to solidify in my own mind and spirit. In my mind, this is a continuous process of building strength and courage to prepare to face “my day” like a man. I want to be a rock in the face of the thing men fear most, death.

Preparing for Death Empowers Me in Life

Solidifying the hope I have in death has enabled me to live a much more fulfilled life. My faith is in the person of Jesus Christ as he is revealed in the Bible. This belief system enables me to know my destiny is sealed and certain. This certainty provides freedom in the life I live now. I think about my death, but I do not worry about it. I have studied, experienced, and tested the Biblical truth regarding eternal life and gained strength in it.

Jesus paid the price for my redemption. That payment has been made. What he did on the cross satisfied the penalty for sin. By faith in Him, that work is applied to my life. It is finished. It is clear to me where I am going and why I am going there. The certainty of it rests in the hands of the Power above all power. This is strong in my mind and my spirit.

Now I live in a way that honors the One that paid my way. He opened the door I could not open. He was raised to life, and he blazed the trail to eternal life that I could not blaze. I am grateful, and I am now inspired to live a grateful life. It drives me to maximize the life my Redeemer has bought for me. My calling now is to be the most effective man God will enable me to be. I want to put the work in and lead the way so that others can also experience life in the Savior.

As a result, I do not cling to many things in this world. Instead, I am driven in life to be a good steward of what I have been given and live life to the fullest. I am thankful for what has been done for me in the person and work of Jesus Christ. My best days of “life” are not those I will live in this world but those yet to come. I have hope even in the worst of situations.

Work to Be Stronger Every Day

Much like physical fitness spiritual fitness requires routine discipline. We cannot be strong in the Lord with an occasional visit to the Source of our power and strength. We need to be plugged into Him routinely.

Deep faith is the most effective faith in life and in death. The closer we are to God in our daily walk the more fearless we will be in the face of every difficulty we face. I build it into my spiritual routine to look ahead to the day I will die. This is a mental exercise to attempt to understand how strong I am in my faith. Is the Spirit of God strong in me? Are my mind and spirit strong enough to face death? What weakness is there that I need to firm up so that I am better prepared?

I have spent the time to understand what I believe, why I believe, and how to apply it in life. This drives my Bible study and prayer life. We should work to shore up our faith. Learn and apply.

Doing is where weak faith becomes strong. Learn what you should be doing by faith and demonstrate your faith by putting it into action. Your actions reveal what you really believe. Actions, driven by faith, doing the uncomfortable will make you grow. Lean into the hard things of the faith. Do what you know you are called to do and you will become stronger.

Call to Action

I believe men are called to lead. The biggest aspect of leadership is example. We need to be the example. We need to continually work to be the strongest men we can be in body, mind, and spirit. Where do I need to build my foundation so that I stand strong in death?

I have experienced two men face their end, my dad and my grandfather. I have sensed the power of God in both situations. I know the power of the Christian faith in death. I have seen the reality of these words.

“Death is swallowed up in victory.” “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:54-58

Sin makes death sting. When your sin issue is resolved, the sting is gone. Death no longer has power in your life. The sting is replaced with victory. You no longer fear death, but instead, you build a life in the victory and power of Jesus Christ. The man that finds victory over sin will be steadfast, immovable, and abounding in the work of the Lord. He will know that all of life is meaningful and has value now and after death. Every day is an investment in eternity. This investment will make you stronger in life and stronger in death. You will be the rock for those around you, leading others to the Source of your strength.

Are you avoiding preparing for life’s greatest hardship? Does your belief system offer hope and strength in death as it does in life? I would challenge you to think about these things. Where does your spiritual foundation need reinforcement? Do not be like most men avoiding the issue altogether. Prepare for that day. In preparing for death, you will at the same time strengthen your life. Build a routine to get stronger every day. Be ready for death and be more powerful in life.

Other related posts:

A Look at the Fierce Strength of Jesus in Hardship

The Powerful Impact of a Man that Knows His Destiny

The Man that “Puts It On The Line” Experiences God

The Rugged Man’s Perspective of the Other Side of Jesus

Thank you men for visiting Men of Grit. Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Countless men live in relationships that are far from what they had in mind when they first began. Over time life happened, and they fell into a rut. What was at one time exciting and full of life becomes dull and slowly dies. Most men I know are in this kind of relationship. Our society then reinforces this by constantly telling us that this is just the reality of life. Relationship spark dies, and there is nothing you can do about it. I am here to tell you that is bullshit.

I had been a man in this situation. I am now a man that has an exciting, thriving relationship with a renewed fire. The energy and connection we have today is better than it has ever been. The best part is that I believe there is more opportunity to improve.

We are in a great place. I am both enjoying where we are while working to make it even better. I am content and yet in a mindset to continue working to make it stronger. It will always be a work in progress.

What I discovered was for this change to occur, I needed to change. I needed to become a better man. Through this process, I also discovered that many men are in the same situation I was in. Many men are not good at being a man. We need to come together and learn and sharpen one another.

I have learned that as I become good at being a man, my relationship gets stronger. Though there are many ways I have been working to improve, I will share three. If done well, these three will enhance your ability to be a solid man. As you do, you will level up, and I believe you will experience a better relationship.

Here are three things that have made me a stronger man and positively impacted the relationship I have with my wife.

Get Stronger

Men, you need to get in shape. You need to start eating better and begin to do some kind of physical exercise. Consistency is key. Do something on a consistent routine basis. Your wife or LTR will tell you you are fine the way you are and don’t need to do anything. But I am telling you you need to. You need to do this for a couple reasons, and the biggest one is for you. The thing that makes a good man most attractive is having confidence in who they are. For a man, getting in shape naturally builds this confidence.

Not only does getting in shape build confidence, but you will also begin to build overall mental strength. This comes from routinely working out and being disciplined in your eating habits. You will begin to do things you know are good for you when you do not feel like doing it. Every time this happens, you become much stronger physically, but something also happens mentally. You begin to train your mind to do the right thing despite how you feel. This is a strength that will benefit you and everyone around you.

At the same time, you need to specifically focus on becoming stronger mentally. Learn about who you are and develop your mental strength and confidence. I spent a lot of time thinking through how I think about myself. I found that there were ways I thought about myself that were not really aligned with the truth about who I am. Instead, I was thinking of myself in light of outside influences.

Three related areas I spent time thinking through were how I was influenced by the opinions of others, the expectations of others, and the validation of others. These things caused me to think and act in ways that did not really align with who I am.

I spent time working through who I really am. How did God make me? What are my strengths, abilities, and gifts? What things about me bring value to the world and the people I come in contact with? What is my relationship with God, and what does He say about me? These things enabled me to be much more grounded in who I am.

How others around me respond to me no longer pushes me to live outside of who I am, what I believe, and how I decide to live the life I have been given. I am good and solid with me. People that live this way are people that will influence others. You will be more attractive to everyone around you, and this is especially true in your relationships.

Be a Decision Maker

Stop saying, “I don’t care.”

When the question comes up about where to eat, do not say, “I don’t care.” Make a decision. Even if you do not care, be decisive. Be engaged. Have an answer.

I used to say “I don’t care” often. However, this puts the decision-making on her shoulders alone, and it conveys a lack of engagement in the relationship. From my perspective, I thought this was a good thing and that she would enjoy having unlimited choices. It was not. I was shirking my responsibility in the relationship by not expressing my opinion and making decisions.

You might say. “What is the big deal about deciding where to eat?” It isn’t about eating. It is about making decisions, taking the lead, and sharing the load together. If this is your habit in the “going out to eat” decisions, you likely do the same thing in other areas of life.

Though your wife, like mine, is strong enough to handle it, you are putting the full burden on her and bringing unnecessary stress into the relationship. She will not relax into the relationship because she will sense there are parts of it she is in alone. She will not trust that you will handle things until you start leading in this way. Her ability to relax and trust directly impacts the polarity in the relationship. This polarity is what will bring back the spark you have been missing.

You are your own worst enemy if you are piling on the decision-making rather than stepping up and taking it upon your shoulders. You need to be engaged and make more decisions.

Men, the reality is that God calls men to lead in the home. This does not mean we make all decisions. But we are responsible and accountable to God for the direction of the family. Because of this, we cannot take a back seat. We need to be engaged even in the areas where she is clearly the better person for making decisions. We are to utilize, support, and promote our wife’s or LTR’s strengths, wisdom, and capability. In leading well we play to each other’s strengths, knowing this will be best for our family and for us as a couple. But even in areas where we are not the primary decision-maker, we must be engaged because we are ultimately responsible for the results.

So, be fully engaged and handle things. Work hard to remove as much pressure and stress from the relationship as you can. The more relaxed you can make things within the relationship, the better things will go.

For me, I have these goals in mind. Never say I don’t care, make decisions, handle things in ways that reduce stress, and be engaged in family decisions.

Do What Needs Done

Do the things that need to be done. Stay active in taking care of things you are responsible for.

Take an inventory of the things around your house and within your family that need attention and start addressing them. Keep track of these things and get them done. Do more without talking about it.

Do not say you are going to do something and not do it. This sends a signal of weakness. You are behaving like a man that cannot be trusted to get things done. Do the work that needs to be done. This is what men do.

When you see something that needs to be addressed, do not wait for someone to say something; just do it. Work to take care of your domain. If that domain is too much for you alone, figure out a way to get it done. Delegate within the family or pay someone to do some of the work. If you have to, reduce what you have to make it more manageable. Do not let things get out of hand.

Your goal should be to have a plan to keep things in order and execute on that plan. If it is not working, make the changes to ensure things are addressed. Do not allow things to fall on someone else. Your goal is to remove stress from the relationship, not add to it.

Another point I want to make is this, you will need energy to do this consistently and do it well. If you are out of shape, this will be an uphill battle. You need to get into good physical condition. The energy you gain from being physically fit will enable you to stay on top of things. It will enable you to provide strength for those you love and care about. You will have the ability to be more reliable.

Your goal is to manage your world in such a way that you bring safety, security, and strength to your home. This is your calling by God. Many men are not doing this well. I was not doing this well. But I am on the right path today and experiencing the results.

Call to Action: Do the Work

Too many men are not doing these things well. At the same time, they make excuses and blame their situation on the women in their lives. They are stuck. Without doing the work, they will never know anything better than what they have right now. As a result, they are in a dying relationship that is nowhere near what they wish they had.

At the same time, countless women wish their men would be stronger, make more decisions, be more trustworthy and reliable. You can be the spark that ignites the fire in your relationship. But you have to be willing to take it on your shoulders and work hard over a long period of time to become a better man. I can assure you that if you do and have not completely destroyed the relationship you are in, she will want to come alongside you, and together you will build the relationship you’ve always wanted. But you must build yourself first. You must do the work and become a better man.

Be a man worth following. Get stronger, be a decision-maker, and do what you say you are going to do. It requires hard work. Few will do it, and that is why there are so few good men in our world today. That is why so many men do not have the relationships they could have.

It can be better. But you have to stop blaming and making excuses and get to work. Do the work to be the best man you can be.

How bad do you want it? How bad do you want to be a better man? How bad do you want a better relationship? Words mean little without action. Our actions reveal the truth about whether or not we want to change. Our actions bring strength to our words.

I can tell you from experience you will never know how good it can be if you do not put in the work. It starts with you leveling up. It takes consistent, disciplined, hard work, and time. Brother, do not believe the lies of our day. You can have something better. But it starts with you.

Other related posts:

Forging Men: 3 Simple Ideas that Make a Strong Impact

The Insidious Nature of Comfort in the Life of a Man

When Leaders Need to be “Selfish” to be Strong

Thank you men for visiting Men of Grit. Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

“The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.”

– Norman Schwarzkopf –

Great leaders have solid answers to the question, why should I address this issue? Their answer drives them to stay the course when the pressure and stress mounts. This differentiates great leaders from others. Great leaders make the hard decisions that others avoid.

Much like the quote above, I have always said “knowing” the right thing to do is rarely the issue, “doing it” is often the issue. It is hard to confront personnel problems and address them effectively. It is not just about facing the issue. It is about addressing issues in ways that realign team members and re-engage them with the team’s mission, vision, and values.

Many in leadership positions do not want to endure the stress and pressure associated with the hard decisions. They would rather avoid them. And so they do. But great leaders are compelled to do the right thing for the team. They cannot avoid these issues. They understand the connection between addressing misaligned actions and behaviors and the effectiveness of the team or group.

I have led within the steel industry for over twenty years. I have been privileged to be a part of several winning teams and worked with some great people in that time. In every case, we dramatically improved our team’s results. I have learned the importance of doing the hard work that others avoid.

Below are three reasons why I believe leaders should engage and address behaviors that threaten the success of their respective teams.

“A true leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others.”

– General Douglas MacArthur –

Establish and Reinforce the Standard

What is the expected behavior of those on our team? Is this clear to them?

Teams need standards. They need to know what is expected of them. The standard needs to be behaviors and actions that align with the group’s mission, vision, and values. The root of many team issues is a lack of clarity when it comes to what is expected. Clear communication of team member’s standards of conduct is foundational and needs to be a top priority of any leader.

Once the standard has been communicated, the leader needs to conduct himself according to the standard. He needs to be the teammate he desires everyone else to be. He needs to be the example. Being the example is critical because the leader is the standard-bearer. The leader must emulate the standard and also uphold the standard. He cannot be a hypocrite and effectively lead others to follow a standard of conduct.

When the standard is violated, the leader must respond. He cannot avoid addressing these things. The leader’s response or lack of response reveals his commitment to the standard. If he effectively addresses issues, teammates will realign and reengage with the mission, vision, and values. This reinforces the standard and maintains its meaning to the team. But the strength of the standard fades away when leaders avoid the hard decisions. Eventually, it becomes impotent and no longer drives the culture of the team. The leader’s response determines if the standard becomes strong or if it becomes a joke. Leaders cannot ignore sub-standard behavior and expect a high-performing team.

Demonstrate Respect and Support for Those that Carry the Load

Addressing issues demonstrates respect to those that consistently do the right thing. Every good team has team members that are consistently getting the work done and making things happen. They conduct themselves in ways that help accomplish the mission, and align with the vision, and values of the team. They are the ones you can rely on day in and day out. When we do not address or confront issues we are showing disrespect for the best members of the team. The strongest leaders understand this and they know that maintaining the standard is a clear demonstration of respect for those that carry the load.

Addressing issues demonstrates support for this group. You are showing that you appreciate what they bring to the table. You are making their performance the expected performance and they become the example, the leader for others to follow. When a leader addresses substandard issues he will improve the morale of his best team members. A strong morale in the best team members will raise the overall morale of the team. Not addressing issues will do the opposite. This lack of performance on the part of the leader is often the reason poor morale.

Create a Culture Where Doing the Right Thing is the Expected Thing

Addressing issues helps the strongest members of your group win the battle against peer pressure. There is often a small undertow of peer pressure that is counter to doing what is right. Even in the best teams, if leadership is not strong, this will manifest itself. But if the leader creates a culture where doing the right thing is supported and reinforced in action, it makes it easier for team members. Peer pressure is minimized when the leader continuously communicates and has conversations that redirect those that get off course. The leader is never allowing things to get too far off course before engaging. This prevents the peer pressure undertow that tends to go against the best direction for the team.

This also opens the door and makes it easier for the team’s most vital members to support you and your leadership. The culture will become one where doing the right thing is just what the team does. It is who they are. Those who don’t will either correct or be removed from the team. Often with this culture team-members begin to address substandard behavior themselves. Over time in this type of strong culture produces new leaders. They are the team examples. They have worked within the culture and understand the proper behavior. This makes it easy for them to lead by example, teach and coach others to do the same.

Call to Action: Develop Your Why

As a leader, we cannot avoid the hard decisions. They do not go away. The longer we avoid them, the more damage they will do to our teams. We must engage, listen, learn, and understand the root causes of sub-standard behavior and then work with team members to effectively address the issues. But you must have good reasons as to why this is important. There will be times when this is hard to do, and your why will make a difference. Staying the course and demonstrating grit will require you to have firmly established your reason why. It is my desire that these reasons will help you develop your why and enable you to take your leadership to the next level.

Other related posts:

Forging Men: 3 Simple Ideas that Make a Strong Impact

The Insidious Nature of Comfort in the Life of a Man

An Easy Way to Improve Your Ability to Lead and Influence

When Leaders Need to be “Selfish” to be Strong

Thank you men for visiting Men of Grit. Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

What can we do that will help our sons and others develop into strong men?

My dad passed away on February 15, 2021. Since his death, I have thought about his life and legacy a lot. One of the things I have thought about is how good he was at developing strong men. No one benefitted more from his efforts than my brother and me. He taught us so many valuable lessons that have helped us transition from boys to men. These lessons are ingrained in me and have been foundational to becoming the man I am today. They have also provided me with a framework for developing other strong men. For me, this begins first and foremost with my son. But it also applies to other men I come in contact with at work, in the community, within the Fraternity of Excellence, and through social media as part of Men of Grit.

As I share these things, I am sharing my dad’s legacy. His legacy lives on in my brother and me. But it will also live on in those who apply his wisdom and share it with others. It is my hope that you as a reader will use this and make stronger men.

Here are three simple ideas that, if applied, will enable you to have a great impact on developing stronger men.

Example

You need to be the example you want others to be. My dad understood that he needed to be the standard. He did not shy away from this position. Instead, he took it upon his shoulders, understanding it all started with him.

When I asked my dad what advice he would give me as I started my career he told me two things.

“Always tell the truth even when you think it will hurt you.”

“Work hard at whatever you are being paid to do.”

And then he said, “If you do these two things you will be a superstar.”

That seemed too simple at the time. But dad was right. Many people do not do this. I discovered that doing these things consistently will set you apart from the crowd. Eventually, you will be given more responsibility, more money, and greater influence.

But his words had weight behind them because this was how he lived. He worked harder than anyone I have ever known. I remember thinking how difficult it would be to keep up in the workplace because I assumed everyone worked like my dad. I could not keep up with him on the farm. He was the example.

I also remember him sharing many stories with me over the years about when he took unpopular positions because it was the truth rather than go along with everyone else or just saying what everyone wanted to hear. He did not take the easy road or avoid hardship. At times, he looked for the hard stuff because he was willing to push into those things that needed to be addressed. By doing so, it opened doors for others so they could excel. He was the example of the things he wanted me to be.

His example produced words with weight to them. His words were full of real-life experience. He lived what he taught, coached, and mentored. This made all the difference.

We should be challenged to do likewise. First and foremost, we need to be the type of men we want others to be. This is worth thinking about. What kind of man do you want your son to be? What type of men do you want on your team at work or in your community or church? The starting point in leading others is to become what you want others to be.

Be the example. This is our greatest tool in influencing others. We need to get on the path to consistent improvement and stay on this path. When we do, our words will carry weight. We will have a positive impact.

Decision Making

An important part of being a man is making decisions. Like everything in life, the best way to get good at something is to do it. Learning how to make good decisions takes practice.

So when we are working to make men (the same can be said for making leaders in general) we need to put them into positions to make decisions.

A good place to start is by presenting choices. Present two or three options and engage them in choosing one. For me, in developing my son, it looks like this. We decide we will go hiking, so I pick two or three possible hikes, and my son picks which one we will hike that day. A lot of times, I ask him why he chose the option he did. I like to hear how his mind works and what he considers when he makes a choice.

On the hike, we have discussions about when to take a break and what kind of pace we want to hike at today. I work at engaging my son in all sorts of decisions.

Whether in developing your son or someone else, think about how you can put them in a position to make decisions and feel responsible for those decisions.

I remember many times my dad would give us a list of things to do on the farm. He would tell us before the weekend is over, you need to get these things done. It is up to you when you want to do it. As long as it gets done. We learned how to make decisions and what made a decision good and what made a decision bad. It was a great foundation to making decisions in life that has served me well over the years.

Responsibility and Ownership

It is one thing to make decisions; it is another to own the results of those decisions. Too often today, parents go to the rescue of their children or engage to lessen the blow of a bad decision. This is not helping our sons. They must feel the weight of being a decision-maker. We can come alongside and talk through how to work the problems that bad decisions cause, but we cannot remove the hardship. This is some of the best learning. Not only do they learn how to make good decisions, they learn how to take responsibility and ownership, which is key to becoming a strong man.

When I grew up I stood face to face and went eyeball to eyeball with teachers, coaches, and police officers. My dad coached me and gave me things to think about but I did it alone. He never went on my behalf.

It was a hard thing to do. Now, with the perspective of a father, I realize it was hard for my dad also. The urge to protect can be strong. But you must stay at a distance and allow the lessons to have their full impact. I learned how to own my decisions and their results. My son will learn the same.

Today, this is the norm for me. I understand the effectiveness of going face to face and eyeball to eyeball. It is ingrained because of the investment of my dad. It is to the point now that avoiding this seems cowardly to me. To me, this is a big part of being a man. My dad felt the same way, and he modeled it, expected it, and my brother and I did it.

This is one of those critical things that molded me into a man. It is vital for us as fathers. We really need to teach our sons how to make decisions and then take responsibility and ownership for those decisions. If our decisions cause an issue that needs to be addressed, we need to hit it head-on. We need to be the type of men that do not wait or hope it works itself out. The way to manhood and respect is to own our decisions and follow up when follow-up is required.

Imagine if the world was filled with this type of men. It starts with us. We need to be the example, decision-makers, and men that take responsibility and own our stuff. Then, as an example, we need to develop more men that do the same. I believe this will transform families, communities, states, and countries. It starts with us.

What kind of legacy are we building? What kind of legacy will we leave for those who will follow us?

Other related posts:

The Most Important Things that Matter Most in the End

The Exciting Challenges of Breaking Into The World Of Manhood

Thank you men for visiting Men of Grit. Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.