The Most Important Things that Matter Most in the End

I continue to learn important life lessons from my dad even after his death.

My dad passed away on February 15, 2021. It is still raw for me. I am working my way through the pain and learning how to effectively grieve this loss.

My dad was a great man that did more to mold me into the man I am today than any other person in this world. I was blessed by God to have enjoyed the many years we had together. I have told many people that my brother and I drew the golden ticket when it comes to fathers. He was the best and it is hard to imagine a better father. For this, I am grateful to God.

Over the past few days, I see even more wisdom in how well he was prepared. He did so many things that ensured those he loved were cared for after he was gone. He had a solid plan and did things the right way in death as he often did in life.

As I process his death, I am learning every step of the way. I have noticed that many things my dad did that made life better also now make death easier for those he loved. I see the wisdom, foresight, and purpose of my dad. He knew that doing certain things in life would ensure that there would be no regrets in death. The action he took ensured we will not have to deal with the baggage that many others have to deal with when someone they love dies.

Of the many, here are three important ones that all men can learn from and improve in life and demonstrate love in death.

The Importance of Making Great Memories

My dad was purposeful about making memories. He had a knack for making the most common things in life exciting and uncommon. Many times this was a result of his crazy, unpredictable personality. He was always up to something to generate excitement and engagement in whatever we were doing. He was fun to be around, and this created great memories that will forever make me smile.

For example, years ago, we decided we would go play paintball with a group of our buddies. It was dad who came up with the idea of putting on our camo and painting our faces before the two-hour drive to the game location. So we loaded up a bunch of guys in jeeps with tops off, and he and his buddy rode in a Harley with a sidecar. We were quite the sight, and we knew it. The ride there was as much fun as the time playing the game! When we got to the place to play, we were so stoked there was no way anyone was going to beat our team. We crushed the other teams!

Dad often built traditions. For example, the night before the first day of buck season, he would have an annual buck season meeting. He would go to great lengths to prepare for this. It was always well thought out, he engaged every person, and often included little props. He reviewed the safety aspects of the hunt. Then he would review last year’s hunt. The review would include funny gag gifts and exaggerated stories with many laughs. We would end with the coveted award for the biggest buck, and another name would go on the “Biggest Buck Board” posted on the wall in the cabin.

He built many of these types of traditions into life. The result was these memories were sealed into our minds forever.

Dad had this knack of drawing attention to the moment and zeroing in on how good it was. He often encouraged us to take it all in and enjoy the fellowship between family and friends. He was a master at making great memories.

Now that he is gone I am grateful for these memories. I have many things to smile about when it comes to my dad.

This is a lesson for each of us men. Too many times we get drawn into chasing after things that will have little meaning at the end of life. We need to use our time to create great memories. This will develop good relationships today. But in the end, those memories will be special gifts to those you love. In them will be your legacy.

We need to ask ourselves, what kind of memories are we making with those we love?

The Importance of Saying What Most Wish They Had Said

In death many people find themselves wishing they had said something to their loved one. They feel like they never truly expressed what was on their heart and they yearn for just one more conversation. Or they never talked through and resolved an issue and in death, that opportunity is gone.

My dad worked to keep the slate clean between us. If there were issues that needed to be talked about, we talked about them. We never allowed things to stew for any period of time. We had the talks when they were needed.

But also, we had the talks that most people wish they would have had after loved ones are gone.

My dad never wasted an opportunity to tell my brother and I how proud he was of the men we have become. He never stopped recognizing our strengths and speaking good things into our lives. Especially in the last several years. He was zeroed in on this. He knew the opportunities would one day end. He would no longer be able to tell us how much he loved us and how proud he was of us. So he did it often.

We also told him how fortunate we were to have such a great dad. We talked about this, wrote it in letters, emails, and cards expressing the positive impact he had on our lives as men. 

In the post below I say what I have said many times to my dad.

My brother and I drew the golden ticket when it comes to fathers and we knew it …

We told my dad often …

Our relationship made it easy for us to understand the heart of our Heavenly Father …

His love, guidance, and care for our well-being even in the hardest most challenging conversations and situations was undeniable …

I never questioned my dad’s love for me …

That is a blessing I do not take for granted …

Great lessons for all of us dads …

Our love for our children has great power …

Love you dad.

So on the day before my dad died, he was sedated to the point where there was doubt as to whether he heard me as I stood beside his bed. But I did not have to be concerned about whether he would hear me or not. Everything I said, I had said before. I also did not have to wonder how my dad felt about me. He had expressed his love and respect for me and the man I had become. I was confident in my dad’s love because he made sure of it. He told me many times in many ways. This was solid and clear to me.

So how are we doing with those we love? If there were an accident and we were unable to have another conversation what will you wish you would have said? Do not wait. Say it.

Resolve the issues, develop the relationship and say the things you’d wish you’d said before that day arrives.

The Importance of Making Your Eternal Destiny Sure

… we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope … 1 Thessalonians 4:13

As a Christian, I have hope in death. This isn’t hoping like a wishing well. The biblical word hope in the context of this verse is something that is sure but is not yet fully realized.

Our hope is tied to the fact that our Savior Jesus Christ was raised from the dead and overcame death. He blazed a trail through death and into eternal life in the presence of God. Because of this, those that entrust their lives into his hands know they will one day cross that great divide and also enter God’s presence.

This is guaranteed because of the finished work of Jesus Christ. He paid the price for the sin that separates man from a holy God. That payment is made to our account when we express faith in Jesus and His work. The gap between us and God is closed because of the sacrifice of Jesus. He stood in our place and paid our price.

My dad expressed faith in Jesus and we saw him grow in that over the past few years. As final as death seems to be on this earth it is not so for those in Christ. We know we will see each other again. Death is only a temporary separation for us.

As painful as it was to see my dad take his last breath I knew that he was leaving his body and entering into the presence of God. He saw the glory of God that day. I know this and I find great comfort in it. I know I will see him again one day.

As God and his angels carried him into glory the same will happen to me one day. This is why it is written that we do “not grieve as others do who have no hope.” We have hope.

There is no better assurance you can give those you love than to let them know that your eternal destiny is sure. Think about how comforting this is to your loved ones when you pass on.

To me, this is the most important point of the three. This point makes the others better. The memories and things said would be empty without knowing my dad’s eternity with God was secured.

For more information on making sure your eternal destiny is sure, read: The Powerful Impact of a Man that Knows His Destiny.

I know there will be many more lessons I will learn from my dad. I continue to get phone calls, text messages, etc., from people with stories. With every one of these, I am struck with the impact a well-lived life can have. It encourages me to live according to the many lessons he has taught me.

So we now stand challenged. It is now our turn to make the memories, say the words, and get right with God. In doing so, we will improve in life and demonstrate love in our deaths.

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In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.