Making the Most Gains from the Fellowship with Strong Men

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

Not all men make significant gains even though they have fellowship with other strong men. To take full advantage of these relationships and really sharpen one another, there are certain conditions required.

Every man desiring to be stronger needs to have routine fellowship with other men. This is essential to making significant gains. This fellowship cannot be with just any men. It needs to be with men that are on the same general path. They need to be determined to be the strongest men they can be in body, mind, and spirit. This is the type of fellowship that can result in mutual strength and victory in life. It is the type of fellowship that can help make men solid rocks that others can rely upon.

As stated earlier, some men never make significant gains even though they are around the right men. Likely there are many reasons for this. I have learned from my own past behavior and observations of other men that the three conditions below are required for men to really “sharpen” and be “sharpened.” Those that do these things see the most gains in their lives.

Significant Gains Require Dealing with the Truth

Most men will not tell you the truth. Instead, they will skirt around issues and avoid hard conversations. But if we are going to become strong, we need men that will tell us the truth. We need to hear when we are screwing up. We need to hear when we are off the rails and need to get back on track.

Today’s world is incredibly weak mentally. As a society we worry more about hurting people’s feelings than telling them they are doing something that will eventually kill or destroy them. While we concentrate on making everyone feel good about themselves, men are killing themselves, their marriages, their children, and their influence in life.

As men, we need to act like men in our relationships with each other. We need to stand up and tell each other when we need to take action and make a change. If we are going to be strong men with great influence, we cannot join in the insanity and withhold the truth.

We need to speak from a place of love for our brothers. This requires boldness and courage to say the things that need to be said. It doesn’t mean we need to shred each other. But it does mean we need to be assertive and just tell the truth encouraging our brothers in a better path.

On the other side, we need to be willing to accept the hard truth. We all have this built-in tendency to run from pain and difficulty, not wanting to hear what we need to hear. But if we really want to be stronger we need to lean into the truth and take the full brunt of the pain. Then we need to embrace that pain, learn our lessons, and begin to take action to change.

Significant Gains Require Transparency

To hear the hard truth, we need to be honest and transparent about our situation. Too many times, we do not give full disclosure. As a result, we never get to the root cause of our issues. Instead of treating the real issue, we treat symptoms. This becomes evident when we repeatedly lose the same battles. When we treat the root cause with the right actions we will overcome.

So we need to be bold and full of courage in disclosing all our details with the men we trust. We cannot water it down or try to make it sound a little better than it really is. Doing this requires trustworthy men to listen and courageous men to share openly with transparency.

Sharing our darkness with other men can be a difficult thing to do. We fear rejection, and we fear the opinions of others. But the reality is that when it comes to darkness, we all have darkness. Every man fights some kind of battle. As it is written, “all have sinned …” We are not alone.

But together, “iron sharpens iron.” But this cannot happen if we are not transparent and honest. There is no way to get to a better place without walking through this dark valley. Unfortunately, most men will wait until the situation gets so desperate that it destroys their lives and the lives of those closest to them. They will then filet themselves open and take the painful path that leads to truly resolving issues and finding freedom.

For men to take full advantage of a brotherhood of strong men, they need to face their issues with strength and be completely transparent.

Significant Gains Require No Excuses

Too many men accept weak excuses and lower standards. We often make excuses to avoid doing hard, painful things. We cannot accept this from ourselves or from others in our tribe. It will weaken the entire group and lower the standard for what strong men should be.

We need to call out excuses for what they are. They are lies. Think about your excuses for not doing the things you should be doing right now. Now do something dramatic. Imagine if the life of someone you loved was on the line. If you found a way to do the thing you are making excuses about they live. If not they die. Would you find a way to overcome your excuse? I would say 99% of the time, the answer is a resounding yes.

Though this is extreme and maybe a little silly it reveals that often we are just lying to ourselves. We need to stop lying and stop accepting lies. In order to make significant gains we need to stop making excuses.

We need to be men that accept full responsibility and own all the junk in our lives. Own if fully. Tell ourselves the truth and start working to change those things that do not align with who we want to be. Reach out to your brothers. It is likely that if you are associated with strong brothers, one of them walked a similar path and fought similar battles. They learned lessons. They can help you overcome and grow stronger.

Excuses only delay becoming a stronger man. If we stay in our current situation fighting the battles in our life, who will suffer? You will continue to suffer and the people around you that count on you will suffer. Wives, children, coworkers, people in our neighborhoods and communities will suffer. We are called to be a rock for those around us. We cannot make excuses. Rather we need to lean into the darkness and bring it into the light so it can be resolved. Then we can be the strong men we have been called to be in this world.

Call to Action – Take the Leap

Where in your life have you been skirting around the truth? You know it is time to address that issue. What about that brother that you have not been honest with? You see his issue clearly, and everyone is avoiding having that confrontation, including you. Have the talk. He desperately needs someone to speak truth into his life. Demonstrate the true brotherly love and have the hard conversation.

What have you been covering up by avoiding complete transparency? You say you want to change, but you fear the fallout if you told the entire truth. How bad does it have to get before you face the truth? Why wait until then? Talk to that brother you know you can trust. There is freedom on the other side. You do not need to carry this burden alone. The fact is you are not alone. There is nothing new under the sun. Other men have been down the same path you are on. They have learned to win the day. Open yourself up to learn from them.

No excuses. Own it all. This is a great way to live. With this mindset, you can do something about your current situation. You can change it if you believe it is yours and not someone else’s fault. Own it and do the work. This has to be the expectation among men. We own our stuff and put the work in to make it better. What do you need to own in your life? What can you do about it? Go, start doing the work. No excuses.

If you do not have a brotherhood of strong men check out the Fraternity of Excellence – click here.

Related Post: Tremendous Advantages of Connecting with High-Value Brothers

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In your corner,

“As Iron Sharpens Iron, so one man sharpens another. “