Forging Men: 3 Simple Ideas that Make a Strong Impact

What can we do that will help our sons and others develop into strong men?

My dad passed away on February 15, 2021. Since his death, I have thought about his life and legacy a lot. One of the things I have thought about is how good he was at developing strong men. No one benefitted more from his efforts than my brother and me. He taught us so many valuable lessons that have helped us transition from boys to men. These lessons are ingrained in me and have been foundational to becoming the man I am today. They have also provided me with a framework for developing other strong men. For me, this begins first and foremost with my son. But it also applies to other men I come in contact with at work, in the community, within the Fraternity of Excellence, and through social media as part of Men of Grit.

As I share these things, I am sharing my dad’s legacy. His legacy lives on in my brother and me. But it will also live on in those who apply his wisdom and share it with others. It is my hope that you as a reader will use this and make stronger men.

Here are three simple ideas that, if applied, will enable you to have a great impact on developing stronger men.

Example

You need to be the example you want others to be. My dad understood that he needed to be the standard. He did not shy away from this position. Instead, he took it upon his shoulders, understanding it all started with him.

When I asked my dad what advice he would give me as I started my career he told me two things.

“Always tell the truth even when you think it will hurt you.”

“Work hard at whatever you are being paid to do.”

And then he said, “If you do these two things you will be a superstar.”

That seemed too simple at the time. But dad was right. Many people do not do this. I discovered that doing these things consistently will set you apart from the crowd. Eventually, you will be given more responsibility, more money, and greater influence.

But his words had weight behind them because this was how he lived. He worked harder than anyone I have ever known. I remember thinking how difficult it would be to keep up in the workplace because I assumed everyone worked like my dad. I could not keep up with him on the farm. He was the example.

I also remember him sharing many stories with me over the years about when he took unpopular positions because it was the truth rather than go along with everyone else or just saying what everyone wanted to hear. He did not take the easy road or avoid hardship. At times, he looked for the hard stuff because he was willing to push into those things that needed to be addressed. By doing so, it opened doors for others so they could excel. He was the example of the things he wanted me to be.

His example produced words with weight to them. His words were full of real-life experience. He lived what he taught, coached, and mentored. This made all the difference.

We should be challenged to do likewise. First and foremost, we need to be the type of men we want others to be. This is worth thinking about. What kind of man do you want your son to be? What type of men do you want on your team at work or in your community or church? The starting point in leading others is to become what you want others to be.

Be the example. This is our greatest tool in influencing others. We need to get on the path to consistent improvement and stay on this path. When we do, our words will carry weight. We will have a positive impact.

Decision Making

An important part of being a man is making decisions. Like everything in life, the best way to get good at something is to do it. Learning how to make good decisions takes practice.

So when we are working to make men (the same can be said for making leaders in general) we need to put them into positions to make decisions.

A good place to start is by presenting choices. Present two or three options and engage them in choosing one. For me, in developing my son, it looks like this. We decide we will go hiking, so I pick two or three possible hikes, and my son picks which one we will hike that day. A lot of times, I ask him why he chose the option he did. I like to hear how his mind works and what he considers when he makes a choice.

On the hike, we have discussions about when to take a break and what kind of pace we want to hike at today. I work at engaging my son in all sorts of decisions.

Whether in developing your son or someone else, think about how you can put them in a position to make decisions and feel responsible for those decisions.

I remember many times my dad would give us a list of things to do on the farm. He would tell us before the weekend is over, you need to get these things done. It is up to you when you want to do it. As long as it gets done. We learned how to make decisions and what made a decision good and what made a decision bad. It was a great foundation to making decisions in life that has served me well over the years.

Responsibility and Ownership

It is one thing to make decisions; it is another to own the results of those decisions. Too often today, parents go to the rescue of their children or engage to lessen the blow of a bad decision. This is not helping our sons. They must feel the weight of being a decision-maker. We can come alongside and talk through how to work the problems that bad decisions cause, but we cannot remove the hardship. This is some of the best learning. Not only do they learn how to make good decisions, they learn how to take responsibility and ownership, which is key to becoming a strong man.

When I grew up I stood face to face and went eyeball to eyeball with teachers, coaches, and police officers. My dad coached me and gave me things to think about but I did it alone. He never went on my behalf.

It was a hard thing to do. Now, with the perspective of a father, I realize it was hard for my dad also. The urge to protect can be strong. But you must stay at a distance and allow the lessons to have their full impact. I learned how to own my decisions and their results. My son will learn the same.

Today, this is the norm for me. I understand the effectiveness of going face to face and eyeball to eyeball. It is ingrained because of the investment of my dad. It is to the point now that avoiding this seems cowardly to me. To me, this is a big part of being a man. My dad felt the same way, and he modeled it, expected it, and my brother and I did it.

This is one of those critical things that molded me into a man. It is vital for us as fathers. We really need to teach our sons how to make decisions and then take responsibility and ownership for those decisions. If our decisions cause an issue that needs to be addressed, we need to hit it head-on. We need to be the type of men that do not wait or hope it works itself out. The way to manhood and respect is to own our decisions and follow up when follow-up is required.

Imagine if the world was filled with this type of men. It starts with us. We need to be the example, decision-makers, and men that take responsibility and own our stuff. Then, as an example, we need to develop more men that do the same. I believe this will transform families, communities, states, and countries. It starts with us.

What kind of legacy are we building? What kind of legacy will we leave for those who will follow us?

Other related posts:

The Most Important Things that Matter Most in the End

The Exciting Challenges of Breaking Into The World Of Manhood

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In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.