Do You Want a Better Relationship? Be a Better Man :

Countless men live in relationships that are far from what they had in mind when they first began. Over time life happened, and they fell into a rut. What was at one time exciting and full of life becomes dull and slowly dies. Most men I know are in this kind of relationship. Our society then reinforces this by constantly telling us that this is just the reality of life. Relationship spark dies, and there is nothing you can do about it. I am here to tell you that is bullshit.

I had been a man in this situation. I am now a man that has an exciting, thriving relationship with a renewed fire. The energy and connection we have today is better than it has ever been. The best part is that I believe there is more opportunity to improve.

We are in a great place. I am both enjoying where we are while working to make it even better. I am content and yet in a mindset to continue working to make it stronger. It will always be a work in progress.

What I discovered was for this change to occur, I needed to change. I needed to become a better man. Through this process, I also discovered that many men are in the same situation I was in. Many men are not good at being a man. We need to come together and learn and sharpen one another.

I have learned that as I become good at being a man, my relationship gets stronger. Though there are many ways I have been working to improve, I will share three. If done well, these three will enhance your ability to be a solid man. As you do, you will level up, and I believe you will experience a better relationship.

Here are three things that have made me a stronger man and positively impacted the relationship I have with my wife.

Contents hide

1 Get Stronger

2 Be a Decision Maker

3 Do What Needs Done

4 Call to Action: Do the Work

Get Stronger

Men, you need to get in shape. You need to start eating better and begin to do some kind of physical exercise. Consistency is key. Do something on a consistent routine basis. Your wife or LTR will tell you you are fine the way you are and don’t need to do anything. But I am telling you you need to. You need to do this for a couple reasons, and the biggest one is for you. The thing that makes a good man most attractive is having confidence in who they are. For a man, getting in shape naturally builds this confidence.

Not only does getting in shape build confidence, but you will also begin to build overall mental strength. This comes from routinely working out and being disciplined in your eating habits. You will begin to do things you know are good for you when you do not feel like doing it. Every time this happens, you become much stronger physically, but something also happens mentally. You begin to train your mind to do the right thing despite how you feel. This is a strength that will benefit you and everyone around you.

At the same time, you need to specifically focus on becoming stronger mentally. Learn about who you are and develop your mental strength and confidence. I spent a lot of time thinking through how I think about myself. I found that there were ways I thought about myself that were not really aligned with the truth about who I am. Instead, I was thinking of myself in light of outside influences.

Three related areas I spent time thinking through were how I was influenced by the opinions of others, the expectations of others, and the validation of others. These things caused me to think and act in ways that did not really align with who I am.

I spent time working through who I really am. How did God make me? What are my strengths, abilities, and gifts? What things about me bring value to the world and the people I come in contact with? What is my relationship with God, and what does He say about me? These things enabled me to be much more grounded in who I am.

How others around me respond to me no longer pushes me to live outside of who I am, what I believe, and how I decide to live the life I have been given. I am good and solid with me. People that live this way are people that will influence others. You will be more attractive to everyone around you, and this is especially true in your relationships.

Be a Decision Maker

Stop saying, “I don’t care.”

When the question comes up about where to eat, do not say, “I don’t care.” Make a decision. Even if you do not care, be decisive. Be engaged. Have an answer.

I used to say “I don’t care” often. However, this puts the decision-making on her shoulders alone, and it conveys a lack of engagement in the relationship. From my perspective, I thought this was a good thing and that she would enjoy having unlimited choices. It was not. I was shirking my responsibility in the relationship by not expressing my opinion and making decisions.

You might say. “What is the big deal about deciding where to eat?” It isn’t about eating. It is about making decisions, taking the lead, and sharing the load together. If this is your habit in the “going out to eat” decisions, you likely do the same thing in other areas of life.

Though your wife, like mine, is strong enough to handle it, you are putting the full burden on her and bringing unnecessary stress into the relationship. She will not relax into the relationship because she will sense there are parts of it she is in alone. She will not trust that you will handle things until you start leading in this way. Her ability to relax and trust directly impacts the polarity in the relationship. This polarity is what will bring back the spark you have been missing.

You are your own worst enemy if you are piling on the decision-making rather than stepping up and taking it upon your shoulders. You need to be engaged and make more decisions.

Men, the reality is that God calls men to lead in the home. This does not mean we make all decisions. But we are responsible and accountable to God for the direction of the family. Because of this, we cannot take a back seat. We need to be engaged even in the areas where she is clearly the better person for making decisions. We are to utilize, support, and promote our wife’s or LTR’s strengths, wisdom, and capability. In leading well we play to each other’s strengths, knowing this will be best for our family and for us as a couple. But even in areas where we are not the primary decision-maker, we must be engaged because we are ultimately responsible for the results.

So, be fully engaged and handle things. Work hard to remove as much pressure and stress from the relationship as you can. The more relaxed you can make things within the relationship, the better things will go.

For me, I have these goals in mind. Never say I don’t care, make decisions, handle things in ways that reduce stress, and be engaged in family decisions.

Do What Needs Done

Do the things that need to be done. Stay active in taking care of things you are responsible for.

Take an inventory of the things around your house and within your family that need attention and start addressing them. Keep track of these things and get them done. Do more without talking about it.

Do not say you are going to do something and not do it. This sends a signal of weakness. You are behaving like a man that cannot be trusted to get things done. Do the work that needs to be done. This is what men do.

When you see something that needs to be addressed, do not wait for someone to say something; just do it. Work to take care of your domain. If that domain is too much for you alone, figure out a way to get it done. Delegate within the family or pay someone to do some of the work. If you have to, reduce what you have to make it more manageable. Do not let things get out of hand.

Your goal should be to have a plan to keep things in order and execute on that plan. If it is not working, make the changes to ensure things are addressed. Do not allow things to fall on someone else. Your goal is to remove stress from the relationship, not add to it.

Another point I want to make is this, you will need energy to do this consistently and do it well. If you are out of shape, this will be an uphill battle. You need to get into good physical condition. The energy you gain from being physically fit will enable you to stay on top of things. It will enable you to provide strength for those you love and care about. You will have the ability to be more reliable.

Your goal is to manage your world in such a way that you bring safety, security, and strength to your home. This is your calling by God. Many men are not doing this well. I was not doing this well. But I am on the right path today and experiencing the results.

Call to Action: Do the Work

Too many men are not doing these things well. At the same time, they make excuses and blame their situation on the women in their lives. They are stuck. Without doing the work, they will never know anything better than what they have right now. As a result, they are in a dying relationship that is nowhere near what they wish they had.

At the same time, countless women wish their men would be stronger, make more decisions, be more trustworthy and reliable. You can be the spark that ignites the fire in your relationship. But you have to be willing to take it on your shoulders and work hard over a long period of time to become a better man. I can assure you that if you do and have not completely destroyed the relationship you are in, she will want to come alongside you, and together you will build the relationship you’ve always wanted. But you must build yourself first. You must do the work and become a better man.

Be a man worth following. Get stronger, be a decision-maker, and do what you say you are going to do. It requires hard work. Few will do it, and that is why there are so few good men in our world today. That is why so many men do not have the relationships they could have.

It can be better. But you have to stop blaming and making excuses and get to work. Do the work to be the best man you can be.

How bad do you want it? How bad do you want to be a better man? How bad do you want a better relationship? Words mean little without action. Our actions reveal the truth about whether or not we want to change. Our actions bring strength to our words.

I can tell you from experience you will never know how good it can be if you do not put in the work. It starts with you leveling up. It takes consistent, disciplined, hard work, and time. Brother, do not believe the lies of our day. You can have something better. But it starts with you.