Be the Rock

Most of my life has been relatively safe and fairly comfortable when compared to most of the world outside the United States. I mean, I have not been fighting for my life. Besides a few times on a backpacking trip, I have not wondered where the next meal is going to come from. I have not faced the level of hardships I see in many parts of the world. I think a vast majority of people growing up in the United States over the past several decades have had similar experiences. Of course, there are exceptions. One more obvious exception would be the brave men and women serving in combat zones in our great military. Another would be the men and women in blue keeping our streets safe. And there are many more but for most people in the United States our “hardships” would be classified as “first world problems”. We just do not face life threatening situations on a routine basis.

“Could there be a downside to living a life of ease and comfort?“

Of course, in almost all cases, I believe this is a good thing. The safety and security we experience is a testament to the strength of our country and the efforts of those that work tirelessly to protect it both here and abroad. But could there be a downside to living a life of ease and comfort? One downside in my mind is the way certain ideas arise in times of ease and comfort that would not happen in more difficult times. Those ideas can have a negative impact on our society. I believe there are philosophies that only take root in times of ease and comfort that would never survive in times of testing.

One such negative side effect is the growing sentiment against something that has played such a huge part in establishing and sustaining our families, our communities and our great country. I am talking about masculinity. I believe masculinity has taken an unfortunate blow over the past several years. My observation is that comfortable times have made it easy to downplay the value of masculine men. Because we are not faced with danger and life-threatening situations on a routine basis the need for masculine strength is not as apparent to many. It becomes much easier to dismiss masculine men when things are easy. I think many men have allowed comfortable times and societal pressures to lull them into complacent weakness. Men, if not careful, can fall into the trap of believing the narrative that expressing their natural masculinity is somehow wrong. At times, in some subtle ways, I have allowed this to happen in my own life.

“Many men are not prepared for hard times“

I believe God specifically equips men with characteristics that uniquely enable us to survive, protect and provide for others. These characteristics include things like strength, discipline, courage, passion, persistence, integrity, potential aggressiveness, potential destructiveness, potential brutality, assertiveness, competitiveness, creativity, ego, thirst for adventure, thirst for experience, boisterousness, and power. When we start to believe these things no longer hold a high position and great value in our society it becomes easier to lose the sense of our God given purpose. It doesn’t take long, and we are off the path that leads to greatness and drifting along the worn path that leads to “wherever”. When men are just drifting through life, I believe all of society suffers because we do not “drift” into greatness. We drift into comfort, laziness and complacency. When this happens families suffer, cities suffer, states suffer, and nations suffer.

There are segments of society where the masculine nature of man is considered something that should be repressed rather than strengthened. The idea of a man being aggressive and engaging in conflict to make needed change is considered a detriment rather than an asset. Imagine repressing this nature for many years and then one day facing a difficult situation that requires a fighter. What happens when those that have not utilized these God given characteristics for years must step up and engage in the battle? What happens when it comes time for warriors to step up and protect and provide but all we have are soft, mild natured, “nice guys”? Imagine this type of man exploring the untamed wilderness of our country, surviving the wild west, fighting the brutal wars of our history, etc.

Many in our society would like us to think the masculine nature of a man has passed its time. But I think times are changing. I think we face a future of uncertain, challenging times. The man that develops himself physically, mentally, and spiritually will be prepared to meet these challenges head on. This kind of man is of great value today and will be of great value in the days ahead. The challenges we face today reveal many men are not prepared for hard times. We have work to do.

“In the middle of chaos there will be some men that are “rocks”“

My observations are there are many men pushed around by the waves of life that constantly buffet against us. Waves of information, challenges, philosophies, that are designed to incite emotion are continuously bombarding us. These waves move the crowds around us into fear and/or outrage and simply control the masses. Unfortunately, many in the controlled masses are men. However, at the same time, I see an opportunity that presents itself to the few. In the middle of the chaos there will be some men that are “rocks”. The rocks are those who stand firm while the waves smash against them. The rocks are those that others can anchor to. The rocks are confident, courageous, and bold. The rocks are those others look to for stability in uncertain, unstable, hard times. This world needs more rocks.

Not too long ago I realized I became complacent. I was drifting into becoming part of the problem. Most probably did not notice. However, when I looked in the mirror, I was not happy with the man looking back at me. Physically, I was out of shape, mentally I was not growing and spiritually I was empty. Somewhere along the way I started down the path of becoming soft and I was not leading as well as I knew I could. It was time to get serious about being the man God created me to be. I think in some ways, at some level, I bought in to the ideas around me and lost my bearing. I lost the sense of purpose regarding what it means to be a man. I started morphing into something I was never meant to be. It was time to dig deep into the grit I know I possess. It was time to do the work of making change.

“What matters is what God thinks and what the man in the mirror thinks“

As I sat and assessed things, I realized that it really does not matter whether the world values or respects the strength of a man. What matters is what God thinks and what the man in the mirror thinks. It was time to do the work. This was the beginning of an awakening for me and a time to refocus. I began the journey to be a rock.

If you are a man reading this, you have been made to be a rock that is immovable not just another guy pushed around by the waves. But this journey requires grit and discipline. You can be a man that can be counted on in tough times if you want to be. That is what I am striving for in my life. That is what I need to be for my wife, son and those I am called to lead. That is what I ask God to give me strength to be. It is the target of my efforts every day. I desire to strengthen myself physically, mentally, and spiritually so I can honor God, be true to the man in the mirror and be a rock for those around me. What about you, my brothers? What do you want to be?

“A few ideas to get you started on your journey to becoming a rock“

If you read this, are inspired and serious about making changes in your life, here are a few ideas to get you started on your journey to becoming a rock.

#1 – LINK UP WITH LIKE-MINDED MEN – You will need a tribe, a team of men that are also serious about making changes. In the end, you need to make sure you have enough people in your life that you regularly engage with that encourage you in changing and will hold you accountable to do what you say. A first step could be signing up for my email group. I would appreciate the opportunity to interact with you and help you work through building your plan. What has worked for me is the Fraternity of Excellence. You can join FoE by clicking on the link on the sidebar of my blog. Another consideration is you may need to distance yourself from those holding you back. If there are people in your life that make it more difficult to make progress, you may need to consider separating yourself from them. Think about the voices you listen to. Do they encourage you to move forward or are they holding you back? Build a team that helps you create momentum and daily discipline in your life.

#2 – STOP THINKING AND START DOING – Identify one thing physically, one thing mentally and one thing spiritually that you will start to do daily. This does not have to be something major. Just do something. For example, do push-ups one day and sit-ups the next day and continue that and make it an everyday routine. Every week increase the number you do so you are getting a little better than the week before. Read a book that inspires you in an area that you want to improve. Set a goal to read x pages a week or x books in a month. Pray, meditate, or do something every day to strengthen your soul. Get alone, sit still, and think about the day ahead. If you pray, pray. Think through the things you believe and how they will apply to the day and prepare yourself to be the rock in the day ahead.

#3 – TELL SOMEONE WHAT YOU ARE DOING – In all these things tell someone who cares that you are doing them. Ask them to be a part of your journey and track your progress. Ask them to ask you about your progress on a regular basis. This is something that has helped me in my journey. When you just keep these things to yourself it becomes easier to back away from what you committed to. Your commitment level over time can wane away. You will always find reasons to not do hard things. But hard things are the way to improving. When you are trying to establish those hard things tell someone about it and ask them to remind you of what you committed to. Ask them to challenge you and ask why if they see you backing off.

Brothers, let’s build a team of men that have the grit required to do the work and become the rocks that our society desperately needs.

In your corner,