3 Conditions that Build a Strong Foundation for Having Hard Conversations :

Hard conversations are those that move men to better places. We need these conversations with other men. We need to be challenged to maximize our potential and the impact we were designed to have in the world. However, I have noticed that not all hard conversations have the same impact. The most effective occur between men that have relationships built on a few foundational conditions. Here are three conditions I have observed that create a strong foundation for having hard conversations.

Contents hide

1 Doing the Hard Work

2 A Shared Vision

3 Fighting Battles

4 Call to Action

Doing the Hard Work

Sometimes we talk a good game. We have opinions about everything. At times, some of us demand a level of respect, yet we do little work to back it up. But true respect is developed among men by what they do. Past accolades are great, but they mean little if there is no work being done in the present.

There is a bond that occurs between men that work hard to improve themselves. Together, as men on this path, we prove we are willing to go through hard things to become better men. We are willing to endure pain for progress. I think this makes a difference when it comes to having hard conversations.

When we demonstrate a willingness to do the hard work, typically, we are more open to constructive criticism. We see pain as a necessary part of the process, and we embrace it. We know that on the other side is more strength and improved life.

This is the type of man I strive to be and the type of man I enjoy being around. These men dig deep, demonstrating the determination and grit that few in our day do. They will be better men because they will do the work. Having this common ground built on hard work develops respect and is a great foundation for having hard conversations.

A Shared Vision

Men that share a common vision have a tendency to rally together. Having a common vision puts men on a path toward a similar target. Pointed in the same direction with the same target, we naturally come together and develop stronger relationships.

For example, I am in a group of men that want to improve and be stronger in body, mind, and spirit. This strength enables us to be better husbands, fathers, workers, and influencers in our communities and society. To this end, we share our successes and failures. We learn from each other. We hold on to things that work and align with our personal values, beliefs, and goals. We discard things that do not. As we grow, we move toward our shared vision and become closer as a group.

This shared vision becomes a great foundation for having hard conversations. I know the men in this group are there to improve. Knowing this becomes the reason for having these discussions. We have a common end we are striving to achieve. We know we all have this desire to be better leaders, providers, and protectors. The hard conversation is a tool to help our brothers achieve this vision.

Fighting Battles

Men fight common battles in life. Many times we think our situation is unique, and we keep fighting solo. But what I have found is that other men are either fighting the same battle you are fighting or have fought the same battle in their lives. You are not alone, and you should not be fighting alone. Men need to come together to fight. When we do, we grow stronger, and a bond develops between us. Engaging in the fight together fosters a sense of brotherhood.

Whether this is actual battles or the battles in life, engaging together draws men together. The more difficult the battle, the deeper the bond. Through the process of fighting, men gain a deep respect for one another. The man that was there with you and for you becomes one of your close brothers. In this relationship, men begin to mourn losses together and celebrate victories. They pick up and encourage each other when someone loses heart. They put the boot in the posterior when someone stops fighting.

These experiences produce a bond between men. This bond provides a strong foundation for having hard conversations.

Call to Action

Do you have to have these three conditions in order to have hard conversations?

No. However, in my experience, these things seem to positively impact the effectiveness of hard conversations. As men, we need to see the value of having these conversations and put ourselves in a position to receive them and initiate them. To me, this is a critical part of participating in a brotherhood. This is how iron sharpens iron. Men sharpen one another by having hard conversations. These are often the catalyst that moves men to better places.

What are you doing to build this type of foundation with other men? Are you working hard with other men that are working hard? Are you joined together with other men that share a common vision? Are you engaged and fighting battles with a few other brothers? These things will put you in a position to both receive and initiate conversations that produce results.

If you do not have a brotherhood of strong men check out the Fraternity of Excellence – click here.

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In your corner,