What can we do that will help our sons and others develop into strong men?

My dad passed away on February 15, 2021. Since his death, I have thought about his life and legacy a lot. One of the things I have thought about is how good he was at developing strong men. No one benefitted more from his efforts than my brother and me. He taught us so many valuable lessons that have helped us transition from boys to men. These lessons are ingrained in me and have been foundational to becoming the man I am today. They have also provided me with a framework for developing other strong men. For me, this begins first and foremost with my son. But it also applies to other men I come in contact with at work, in the community, within the Fraternity of Excellence, and through social media as part of Men of Grit.

As I share these things, I am sharing my dad’s legacy. His legacy lives on in my brother and me. But it will also live on in those who apply his wisdom and share it with others. It is my hope that you as a reader will use this and make stronger men.

Here are three simple ideas that, if applied, will enable you to have a great impact on developing stronger men.

Example

You need to be the example you want others to be. My dad understood that he needed to be the standard. He did not shy away from this position. Instead, he took it upon his shoulders, understanding it all started with him.

When I asked my dad what advice he would give me as I started my career he told me two things.

“Always tell the truth even when you think it will hurt you.”

“Work hard at whatever you are being paid to do.”

And then he said, “If you do these two things you will be a superstar.”

That seemed too simple at the time. But dad was right. Many people do not do this. I discovered that doing these things consistently will set you apart from the crowd. Eventually, you will be given more responsibility, more money, and greater influence.

But his words had weight behind them because this was how he lived. He worked harder than anyone I have ever known. I remember thinking how difficult it would be to keep up in the workplace because I assumed everyone worked like my dad. I could not keep up with him on the farm. He was the example.

I also remember him sharing many stories with me over the years about when he took unpopular positions because it was the truth rather than go along with everyone else or just saying what everyone wanted to hear. He did not take the easy road or avoid hardship. At times, he looked for the hard stuff because he was willing to push into those things that needed to be addressed. By doing so, it opened doors for others so they could excel. He was the example of the things he wanted me to be.

His example produced words with weight to them. His words were full of real-life experience. He lived what he taught, coached, and mentored. This made all the difference.

We should be challenged to do likewise. First and foremost, we need to be the type of men we want others to be. This is worth thinking about. What kind of man do you want your son to be? What type of men do you want on your team at work or in your community or church? The starting point in leading others is to become what you want others to be.

Be the example. This is our greatest tool in influencing others. We need to get on the path to consistent improvement and stay on this path. When we do, our words will carry weight. We will have a positive impact.

Decision Making

An important part of being a man is making decisions. Like everything in life, the best way to get good at something is to do it. Learning how to make good decisions takes practice.

So when we are working to make men (the same can be said for making leaders in general) we need to put them into positions to make decisions.

A good place to start is by presenting choices. Present two or three options and engage them in choosing one. For me, in developing my son, it looks like this. We decide we will go hiking, so I pick two or three possible hikes, and my son picks which one we will hike that day. A lot of times, I ask him why he chose the option he did. I like to hear how his mind works and what he considers when he makes a choice.

On the hike, we have discussions about when to take a break and what kind of pace we want to hike at today. I work at engaging my son in all sorts of decisions.

Whether in developing your son or someone else, think about how you can put them in a position to make decisions and feel responsible for those decisions.

I remember many times my dad would give us a list of things to do on the farm. He would tell us before the weekend is over, you need to get these things done. It is up to you when you want to do it. As long as it gets done. We learned how to make decisions and what made a decision good and what made a decision bad. It was a great foundation to making decisions in life that has served me well over the years.

Responsibility and Ownership

It is one thing to make decisions; it is another to own the results of those decisions. Too often today, parents go to the rescue of their children or engage to lessen the blow of a bad decision. This is not helping our sons. They must feel the weight of being a decision-maker. We can come alongside and talk through how to work the problems that bad decisions cause, but we cannot remove the hardship. This is some of the best learning. Not only do they learn how to make good decisions, they learn how to take responsibility and ownership, which is key to becoming a strong man.

When I grew up I stood face to face and went eyeball to eyeball with teachers, coaches, and police officers. My dad coached me and gave me things to think about but I did it alone. He never went on my behalf.

It was a hard thing to do. Now, with the perspective of a father, I realize it was hard for my dad also. The urge to protect can be strong. But you must stay at a distance and allow the lessons to have their full impact. I learned how to own my decisions and their results. My son will learn the same.

Today, this is the norm for me. I understand the effectiveness of going face to face and eyeball to eyeball. It is ingrained because of the investment of my dad. It is to the point now that avoiding this seems cowardly to me. To me, this is a big part of being a man. My dad felt the same way, and he modeled it, expected it, and my brother and I did it.

This is one of those critical things that molded me into a man. It is vital for us as fathers. We really need to teach our sons how to make decisions and then take responsibility and ownership for those decisions. If our decisions cause an issue that needs to be addressed, we need to hit it head-on. We need to be the type of men that do not wait or hope it works itself out. The way to manhood and respect is to own our decisions and follow up when follow-up is required.

Imagine if the world was filled with this type of men. It starts with us. We need to be the example, decision-makers, and men that take responsibility and own our stuff. Then, as an example, we need to develop more men that do the same. I believe this will transform families, communities, states, and countries. It starts with us.

What kind of legacy are we building? What kind of legacy will we leave for those who will follow us?

Other related posts:

The Most Important Things that Matter Most in the End

The Exciting Challenges of Breaking Into The World Of Manhood

Thank you men for visiting Men of Grit. Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

On February 15, 2021, my dad, my hero, died. Speaking at his service was the most challenging public speaking engagement I have ever done. Above all things, I felt the pressure to honor him and honor the God who carried him home. But God’s grace is always enough. His power was evident that day. It is my prayer that each person that watches the video of his service will be inspired to live life to the fullest. At the same time, I hope you will give serious consideration to your own inevitable end.

For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. James 4:14

For the entire service including my brother Bill and my “other brother” Keith, see the sidebar video or click on the link below.

“Full Memorial Service: Jerry “Griz” Adams”

Other related posts:

The Most Important Things that Matter Most in the End

The Powerful Impact of a Man that Knows His Destiny

The Man that “Puts It On The Line” Experiences God

The Rugged Man’s Perspective of the Other Side of Jesus

Thank you men for visiting Men of Grit. Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

I continue to learn important life lessons from my dad even after his death.

My dad passed away on February 15, 2021. It is still raw for me. I am working my way through the pain and learning how to effectively grieve this loss.

My dad was a great man that did more to mold me into the man I am today than any other person in this world. I was blessed by God to have enjoyed the many years we had together. I have told many people that my brother and I drew the golden ticket when it comes to fathers. He was the best and it is hard to imagine a better father. For this, I am grateful to God.

Over the past few days, I see even more wisdom in how well he was prepared. He did so many things that ensured those he loved were cared for after he was gone. He had a solid plan and did things the right way in death as he often did in life.

As I process his death, I am learning every step of the way. I have noticed that many things my dad did that made life better also now make death easier for those he loved. I see the wisdom, foresight, and purpose of my dad. He knew that doing certain things in life would ensure that there would be no regrets in death. The action he took ensured we will not have to deal with the baggage that many others have to deal with when someone they love dies.

Of the many, here are three important ones that all men can learn from and improve in life and demonstrate love in death.

The Importance of Making Great Memories

My dad was purposeful about making memories. He had a knack for making the most common things in life exciting and uncommon. Many times this was a result of his crazy, unpredictable personality. He was always up to something to generate excitement and engagement in whatever we were doing. He was fun to be around, and this created great memories that will forever make me smile.

For example, years ago, we decided we would go play paintball with a group of our buddies. It was dad who came up with the idea of putting on our camo and painting our faces before the two-hour drive to the game location. So we loaded up a bunch of guys in jeeps with tops off, and he and his buddy rode in a Harley with a sidecar. We were quite the sight, and we knew it. The ride there was as much fun as the time playing the game! When we got to the place to play, we were so stoked there was no way anyone was going to beat our team. We crushed the other teams!

Dad often built traditions. For example, the night before the first day of buck season, he would have an annual buck season meeting. He would go to great lengths to prepare for this. It was always well thought out, he engaged every person, and often included little props. He reviewed the safety aspects of the hunt. Then he would review last year’s hunt. The review would include funny gag gifts and exaggerated stories with many laughs. We would end with the coveted award for the biggest buck, and another name would go on the “Biggest Buck Board” posted on the wall in the cabin.

He built many of these types of traditions into life. The result was these memories were sealed into our minds forever.

Dad had this knack of drawing attention to the moment and zeroing in on how good it was. He often encouraged us to take it all in and enjoy the fellowship between family and friends. He was a master at making great memories.

Now that he is gone I am grateful for these memories. I have many things to smile about when it comes to my dad.

This is a lesson for each of us men. Too many times we get drawn into chasing after things that will have little meaning at the end of life. We need to use our time to create great memories. This will develop good relationships today. But in the end, those memories will be special gifts to those you love. In them will be your legacy.

We need to ask ourselves, what kind of memories are we making with those we love?

The Importance of Saying What Most Wish They Had Said

In death many people find themselves wishing they had said something to their loved one. They feel like they never truly expressed what was on their heart and they yearn for just one more conversation. Or they never talked through and resolved an issue and in death, that opportunity is gone.

My dad worked to keep the slate clean between us. If there were issues that needed to be talked about, we talked about them. We never allowed things to stew for any period of time. We had the talks when they were needed.

But also, we had the talks that most people wish they would have had after loved ones are gone.

My dad never wasted an opportunity to tell my brother and I how proud he was of the men we have become. He never stopped recognizing our strengths and speaking good things into our lives. Especially in the last several years. He was zeroed in on this. He knew the opportunities would one day end. He would no longer be able to tell us how much he loved us and how proud he was of us. So he did it often.

We also told him how fortunate we were to have such a great dad. We talked about this, wrote it in letters, emails, and cards expressing the positive impact he had on our lives as men. 

In the post below I say what I have said many times to my dad.

My brother and I drew the golden ticket when it comes to fathers and we knew it …

We told my dad often …

Our relationship made it easy for us to understand the heart of our Heavenly Father …

His love, guidance, and care for our well-being even in the hardest most challenging conversations and situations was undeniable …

I never questioned my dad’s love for me …

That is a blessing I do not take for granted …

Great lessons for all of us dads …

Our love for our children has great power …

Love you dad.

So on the day before my dad died, he was sedated to the point where there was doubt as to whether he heard me as I stood beside his bed. But I did not have to be concerned about whether he would hear me or not. Everything I said, I had said before. I also did not have to wonder how my dad felt about me. He had expressed his love and respect for me and the man I had become. I was confident in my dad’s love because he made sure of it. He told me many times in many ways. This was solid and clear to me.

So how are we doing with those we love? If there were an accident and we were unable to have another conversation what will you wish you would have said? Do not wait. Say it.

Resolve the issues, develop the relationship and say the things you’d wish you’d said before that day arrives.

The Importance of Making Your Eternal Destiny Sure

… we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope … 1 Thessalonians 4:13

As a Christian, I have hope in death. This isn’t hoping like a wishing well. The biblical word hope in the context of this verse is something that is sure but is not yet fully realized.

Our hope is tied to the fact that our Savior Jesus Christ was raised from the dead and overcame death. He blazed a trail through death and into eternal life in the presence of God. Because of this, those that entrust their lives into his hands know they will one day cross that great divide and also enter God’s presence.

This is guaranteed because of the finished work of Jesus Christ. He paid the price for the sin that separates man from a holy God. That payment is made to our account when we express faith in Jesus and His work. The gap between us and God is closed because of the sacrifice of Jesus. He stood in our place and paid our price.

My dad expressed faith in Jesus and we saw him grow in that over the past few years. As final as death seems to be on this earth it is not so for those in Christ. We know we will see each other again. Death is only a temporary separation for us.

As painful as it was to see my dad take his last breath I knew that he was leaving his body and entering into the presence of God. He saw the glory of God that day. I know this and I find great comfort in it. I know I will see him again one day.

As God and his angels carried him into glory the same will happen to me one day. This is why it is written that we do “not grieve as others do who have no hope.” We have hope.

There is no better assurance you can give those you love than to let them know that your eternal destiny is sure. Think about how comforting this is to your loved ones when you pass on.

To me, this is the most important point of the three. This point makes the others better. The memories and things said would be empty without knowing my dad’s eternity with God was secured.

For more information on making sure your eternal destiny is sure, read: The Powerful Impact of a Man that Knows His Destiny.

I know there will be many more lessons I will learn from my dad. I continue to get phone calls, text messages, etc., from people with stories. With every one of these, I am struck with the impact a well-lived life can have. It encourages me to live according to the many lessons he has taught me.

So we now stand challenged. It is now our turn to make the memories, say the words, and get right with God. In doing so, we will improve in life and demonstrate love in our deaths.

Thank you men for visiting Men of Grit. Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

“The mountains are calling and I must go” – John Muir

Last week I was in the wild and back on the trail with my 17-year-old son. We were making memories as we hiked through a portion of the Rocky Mountain National Park for the second time. Backpacking in the backcountry develops great things within you if you have the right perspective. As we hiked last week, I jotted down a few things that came to mind about the challenge of backpacking in the wild. While these are thoughts that are directly related to backpacking, it’s easy to see many pertain to life in general. So, if you hike/backpack or you are thinking of hiking/backpacking, you may appreciate some of these thoughts. Maybe you will be inspired and hear the call of the wild in your soul and realize you too must go! Enjoy the read!

You Must Work For the Wild’s Best

The mountains never give you their best for free. If you want to see the best, it requires you to work for it. I have found that the mountains, especially at higher elevations, can be a rugged place to venture. But if you are willing to push miles deep into the mountains, you will see some incredible things. The deeper and higher you go, the fewer people and the more natural things will be. The animals and the views are just different when you push yourself to go those extra miles.

The best that God’s creation has to offer is open only to those that work for it. Typically, it is not free and easy. This makes it even more rewarding when you get there. I believe God blesses those that push through and do the work to enjoy His handiwork. In a lot of ways, life is like this. To enjoy the best things in life requires a level of sacrifice. Push for the best!

No Easy Hikes Here

There are no easy hikes when the elevation is over 8,000 feet, you are carrying a backpack weighing 30-50 pounds, and you are hiking uphill for over 3 miles. When you do not live at these elevations, it can take a toll on your body, even when you are in good shape. My son and I worked out for months, and I can say I am now in the best shape of my life. But when you put 50 pounds on your back and start hiking at higher elevations, you feel it after a few miles.

Fortunately, we’ve experienced this before, so we knew it was coming and were mentally prepared. But as with any challenging thing you do, the mental challenge is always the most significant. You need to know it will be hard and lean into it as part of the experience. Hiking in these conditions can be tough.

The physical struggle is met by first being in good condition, but then it is a mental game that you need to be prepared to work through. This really comes into play with the false summits. On almost every trail, you will look ahead, and it will look like you are coming to the top of a mountain long before you actually do. You come over the top to realize you still have a ways to go before you achieve your goal. Sometimes if you study maps, set up a GPS with coordinates, you can avoid this mental game. Either way, for me, I will not allow myself to go there until I see the landmark or am standing on the summit. Until then, there is work to do and things to enjoy along the way.

Divide the Goal Into Small Victories

Every step toward your goal is a small victory. The small victories eventually add up to achieving the larger goal. Every step is one step closer to winning and conquering the mountain. Divide and conquer. This is the approach. Think in steps and dealing with what is right in front of you. Get to the next landmark or trail marker or intersection of trails. Break it up and push through. Eventually, the small victories add up to win the day. This is an excellent approach on the trail and also in life. The small day to day victories eventually leads to achieving the overall goal you are striving for. So, just keep moving ahead.

Focusing on the Reward of the Wild

You have probably realized something about life. Situations always seem worse when you are tired, hungry, and struggling. In backpacking, it is the same. In all cases, it is important to not succumb to your emotions during these times. Instead, push through with your mind on the time ahead when you will rest, eat, and recover. When that time comes, your perspective will change for the better. Also, think about the excitement you had at the beginning of the hike. If you felt it was worth it then, chances are it is still worth it. Push on and do the work! The reward is coming!

It is Worth It – God’s Creation Never Disappoints

If you hike challenging hikes, you will question, “Is it worth it?” It always is. God’s creation always delivers. The things I have seen with my own eyes and the experiences I have had in the wild are stored deep inside my soul. It is through these that I see God and His handiwork. I see His character in the majestic Rocky Mountains, the mighty thunder and lightening of the mountain storms, the beautiful colors and various design of the wildflowers, the playful personality of the marmot, and the fuzzy ball of nerves called a chipmunk.

This year as we were standing looking at the magnificent Rocky Mountains, my son and I were talking about this. He said, “I think in creating the mountains, God shows us how big and majestic He is. Because when you are in the midst of these mountains, you feel so small.” He is right. The mountains do this. The storms also do this. When you realize these things are the created things, you start to think about how majestic and powerful the Creator of such things must be. They all give glimpses of the God and Creator I worship with my life. Experiencing these things never disappoints. They always deliver. And so with this in mind, I dig deep and push through because I know it is always worth it!

Time in the Wild Brings an Appreciation

Another thought that comes to mind and again was initiated by my son is that when backpacking deep in the back-country, you realize how easy life is today. Backpacking requires a level of work for everything. Many of the easy things in life are not so easy when you are backpacking. Food, water, shelter, bathroom, staying warm, cooling off, etc. You live without conveniences that you often take for granted. When backpacking, you gain a fresh perspective and appreciation for life.

When your days in the wild end and you come back to civilization, you have a tendency to appreciate some of the easy things. I think at the same time it makes you realize how much time our ancestors spent just living. A good portion of their days was spent just doing the things necessary to sustain life. This appreciation for the little things in life and for our history is a side benefit of getting out in the wild and living off the grid. These are great lessons that have a tendency to bring us back to a grateful mindset.

The Yearning for the Wild

“The mountains are calling and I must go” – John Muir

My final thoughts from my time in the wild are these. God has put something in me that yearns to be in the wild. My soul comes alive when I am in the backcountry and especially in the mountains. I have this sense that I am where I was made to be. The masculine nature within me rises up, and I feel like I am in my element. In these times, I find myself more in touch with what it means to be a man. I revel in being a part of the wild. My heart is filled. My soul is soothed by the feeling of standing amid nature’s finest. The rawness and rough challenge of it all unleash something I do not experience in any other area of my life.

Though I have just returned, I cannot wait to get back in the wild. Like the quote from John Muir, I feel the call of the mountains, and I am compelled to go! I must go! I hope you feel the same. And I hope you will take action and go!

I appreciate your visit to Men of Grit!

In your corner,

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

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How to help your son transition from boy to man. Read “The Exciting Challenges of Breaking Into The World Of Manhood”

Putting your faith on the line opens the opportunity to experience God. Read “The Man that “Puts It On The Line” Experiences God”

Challenge your view of Jesus. Read “The Rugged Man’s Perspective of the Other Side of Jesus”

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Visit Book Recommendations for books that have impacted my life. I will continue to add more.

The challenge comes in every boy’s life to break into the world of manhood. Many times, this happens through traditions that are deeply ingrained in his culture. Today I write about my story and one of those traditions that led me into the world of men. Looking back, I now see it as a key moment and the start of my journey into the world of manhood. It also brings to light the importance of building these experiences into the lives of our sons.

Anticipating the Exciting Challenge Ahead

The first Monday after Thanksgiving probably did not have significant meaning to the rest of the country. But if you lived in Pennsylvania, this was a state holiday. You see, this was the opening day of buck season. Workplaces and schools were closed, unions worked it into their contracts to have this day off, and almost the entire state shut down to allow people to go deer hunting. To those from other states, this is surprising, but to those of us from Pennsylvania, this was normal. This is the way it was. Deer hunting in Pennsylvania had been a significant part of the culture for generations. Most people I knew hunted, and most people hunted deer on this day.

Growing up, I could not wait to go to hunting camp with my dad. To be a part of this long-standing tradition was a dream of mine. I heard all the stories of tracking down bucks and the hard work of dragging them through the Appalachian mountains. (we were not allowed to use four-wheelers or drive vehicles on state-owned land to retrieve deer) I read every copy of Pennsylvania Game News. I hung on every word and studied all the details of every story and article. I listened to the stories my dad told me, asking questions and learning everything I could learn about pursuing the legendary whitetail deer. To me, going deer hunting was a rite of passage for a young man. Getting a buck was a trophy that meant more to me than all the trophies I earned by playing sports.

Those first few years of going to camp were my time to prove myself as a hunter and as a man. I was the first of the sons to go to camp, the oldest of the group. I was the only youngster among a group of 10-12 men. At 12 years old, I was wide-eyed and full of excitement. This was my first time entering into the “world of men,” and I was ready.

The first step of entering into this new world was to learn the behavior and fun men have together. It was good to see men busting on each other and getting a little crazy. I was amazed at how bodily noises occurred as if they were a planned part of the conversation. I sat in the corner laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. It was fun to sit and watch and listen. I heard the stories of hunts from years past and conversations and the banter that goes on between men. I learned of the names of different hunting areas like “the Gifford Road,” “the tar paper shanty,” etc. The stories grew in their color and became more grandiose the later in the night, and the more beer that was consumed. I just tried to stay out of the limelight, help with the menial tasks of camp life like washing dishes after meals, setting the table, and just “paying my dues.” I was there to earn respect, and my dad prepared me well to just help out, watch, and learn.

After a couple of days, it was Sunday night, and things started to take on a more serious tone. The grit and drive of men started to show as they prepared for the day ahead. I could see it was a big deal to these guys. They were deer hunters and for the first time, I was one of them. But in my mind, I knew I still needed to prove myself and show I belonged.

That night men were packing lunches, laying out equipment, talking through safety, and of course, ribbing the new kid. I was asked if I had my hose. Not knowing what they meant, they went on to tell me that with all the layers of clothes I would have on, if I didn’t want to urinate on my hunting clothes, I should carry a small hose to use as an “extension.” I was also taught how to wrap toilet paper in case of an emergency in the woods. I was asked if I know my leaves. If there is no toilet paper available and you go to plan B, make sure you do not use poison ivy or poison oak. So needless to say, we pretty much covered all the essentials!

The Time to Prove You are Up to the Challenge

The next morning came early. The alarm clock went off at about 3:30 am. I did not sleep much. Partly because I was excited and partly because of the snoring. Never in my life had I heard snoring like I heard that night! Since then, earplugs have been an essential item when going to camp.

Men started rolling out and getting dressed while a few made eggs, bacon, and toast for the camp. We ate, got dressed, and everyone wished “good lucks” and “shoot straights” and off we went to our separate hunting spots deep in the mountains. We were usually deep in the woods before daylight. Walking in the mountains at night is an experience in itself for a young man. In this culture, it is all part of the challenge of breaking into the world of becoming a man.

The Challenge from the Wild Side of the Wilderness

That first year of hunting was unusually cold and presented an even greater challenge to the normal deer hunting in Pennsylvania. There was snow on the ground, and we were going to the “big mountain.” We would be hunting further back in the mountains than anyone else in our camp. We drove deep into the mountains on dirt roads. We parked and started hiking back into the woods to the area we had scouted out.

The Challenge of the Equipment of the Day

I had a full snowsuit on that was fluorescent orange. I carried a small single-shot 30-30 rifle. At that time, we did not have scopes on our guns. We both shot open iron sights. Because we did not have a lot of money in those days, my dad hunted in blue jeans and carried a lever-action Winchester 32 Special Model 94 like the ones you would see in a western movie. We did not have hot seats; instead, we took plastic bags to sit on, so we didn’t get wet. We also did not have synthetic materials for warmth. We wore cotton long-underwear and cotton socks and boots with felt liners in them. When dad and I sat down at the base of a tree, we had a system. He would sit facing one way, and I would sit facing the other way so we could cover more area. We had a short piece of rope that each of us would hold onto. If we saw deer, we would tug the rope, so the other guy knew to keep still. We saw lots of deer in those days. In the first couple of days, we saw well over one hundred and twenty deer.

The Challenge of Motivation and Grit

Because it was so cold, we did a lot of walking to keep warm. We climbed several mountains on those two days of hunting. It was so cold at one point we talked about returning to camp to warm up. This was a difficult decision for me. It felt like I was wimping out, and I did not like it, but I was colder than I had ever been in my life. We started to make our way back, and we ran into another hunter along a small mountain stream dragging a buck he had just shot. Seeing that buck changed everything for me. It was the motivation I needed to push through the challenge of the cold. Deep inside I found the grit to overcome. So we pushed on and roughed it out.

The Challenge of Missed Opportunity

Later that day, while sitting on a flat bench on the side of the mountain, we saw a group of deer over the edge. Dad snuck up to the edge and looked over and saw a spike buck with a few does. He stepped back and asked me if I wanted to take the shot. I tried to pull the hammer back on my single shot rifle but it had frozen and I could not get it to move. Dad pounded on it to try to get it to break free and then he pounded on his. I told him to go ahead and take the shot if he could get the hammer to break free. Finally, it did break free and he stepped up to the edge. Unfortunately, the buck was now in the midst of the does and the shot was a challenge. He had to try to take a shot at the neck with open sights at 75 yards in the woods. He took the shot and missed it. The deer broke down the bottom of the mountain and up the other side and stood there looking at us. At the distance, we could not see which deer were the does and which was the buck. If only we had a scope! That was our only opportunity that year. But all was not a loss.

Overcoming Challenges Results in Respect

That year I earned some respect in camp. I stayed out in the mountains all day that day and the next day in some bad weather. At the same time, many long time hunters returned to camp because of the cold. We hunted all day both days and covered more ground than probably any other man in camp that year. That experience gave me the opportunity to show grit in the face of some pretty tough conditions. I was starting to feel like I was on my way toward becoming a man.

It was another two years until I got my first buck. It was a small buck with one short antler, barely legal. My dad made a sign that we hung on the back of our jeep that read “Don’t laugh, where’s yours?” We got many honks on the way home and the thumbs up as people passed us on the highway.

Eventually, I became a fairly good deer hunter. I had some long streaks of hunting success year after year. The bucks got bigger and I mastered much of the sport with a rifle and a bow. I now have my own stories of long drags, overcoming obstacles, and battling the elements of the outdoors.

As a younger man, I was driven to prove myself and step up to the challenge of hunting deer in the mountains of Pennsylvania. I often missed the incredible things around me. But later I settled in and really began to enjoy my time in the woods whether successfully bagging a buck or not. I still love hunting success but today I enjoy everything about the hunt, the camaraderie of the men, the challenges the wild presents, and the incredible aspects of God’s creation. My enjoyment is at a much deeper level today.

Creating Challenges for the next Generation of Boys Entering Manhood

I often think about how experiences like hunting and being exposed to hunting camp were instrumental in my transition to manhood. My dad was intentional in making this happen in both my life and my brother’s. I will always be grateful to him for this. These experiences helped mold us, and were used to establish us as strong men with the grit to succeed in life. At the same time, it makes me realize how important it is for me to build adventures and tough experiences into my son’s life.

When my son was old enough, he went to hunting camp. (We now have our own camp) He too washed dishes, did the camp work that had to be done, and “paid his dues.” He experienced men, the banter, the bodily noises, the camaraderie, that comes when men gather together around the challenge of hunting.

But the challenge that has meant the most to him has been hiking. Hiking has been his thing. He loves the mountains and has become an avid outdoorsman. I would match him up against any young man his age. He is tough and has been hiking since he was 5 years old. He has stood on top of mountains as the only young boy among many adults. He has faced the challenges that nature presents and has overcome many. We have sweated together, been through severe storms, and pushed through difficulties that would have caused the average kid to give up. He has found the grit deep within that will serve him well in life. These are the experiences that mold boys into men.

These days, we are working out to get ready for a backpacking trip in the Rocky Mountains. This will be our second trip to the Rockies. The workouts building up to this trip have been great times. They have afforded the opportunity to work hard, talk, be present and stay engaged. The excitement is building as we are anticipating the challenge ahead. We can’t wait to test ourselves against the challenges the mountains bring.

What Challenge Awaits Your Son?

So what are you doing to help your son transition into manhood? What is your son’s rite of passage? How are you putting him in positions to learn manhood from other men? What challenges are you working through with him? How engaged and present are you in his life?

Build the relationship of a lifetime with your son! Pour into that young man. He is our future. He is your legacy. It is never wasted time. It is the best investment you will ever make.

In your corner,

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

If you have comments, questions, or feedback put them in the comments section below or send me an email. I am always interested in hearing from you.

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