Our world desperately needs honorable, confident men that are internally driven by foundational values and beliefs. Solid in their minds, these men know who they are, why they are here, and where they are going in life. These men are on a mission. They are leaders and make everyone around them better.

Unfortunately, many men are not living this way. Instead, they are unsure of themselves. This insecurity leads to being influenced by external pressures. They sway from position to position, chasing after the opinions of others, expectations of others, and a need to be validated by essential people in their lives. They want to be strong but their insecurities hold them back.

In this post, I share some key steps I took to address the insecurities that plagued me and held me back from becoming a stronger man.

Living to someone else’s desires makes a man weak. This weakness bleeds over into every area a man is called to lead. His marriage, career, fatherhood, etc. They will never be as strong as they should be, and their relationships will suffer. I know. I was there. I was strong in some areas, but I had insecurities in other areas of my life. Even in the areas, I thought I was strong, I have since learned I was not as strong as I thought.

There is a way to change and fix this. You can move from the unsure man to the honorable, confident man. I did it. But it will require consistent, hard work. First, you must fix yourself and then fix the way you think about yourself. If you are willing to do the hard work, you will become the man you always wanted to be. This post is written to explain how I did this and how you can also.

A Conversation with My Wife

I sat at dinner across the table from my wife. One of the great things I enjoy doing these days is going to dinner and staring into the eyes of the woman I have been with for almost 30 years. She is a beautiful, strong woman with beautiful blue eyes. I enjoy our time together. It is one of the great blessings in my life.

This night, we talked about how things were going in our relationship.

Our relationship was not always what it is today. In the past, I was not living as a man worth following. I was not leading or loving well. My insecurities in some areas negatively impacted our relationship. I own where things were. My lack of leadership and strength resulted in a relationship going in the wrong direction.

In our conversation that night, she said something that stood out to me. She said, “the most significant difference I see in you is that you are settled and at peace with who you are.” This has brought strength and stability into our relationship.

She was right. Today, I am confident in who I am and the value I bring to the world. I learned how to lead and love myself. As a result, I can truly lead and love others. My love for others is based on how well I love myself. I am solid with the man I am today and the path of continuous improvement I am on.

How did I fix the many broken thoughts rolling around in my head that kept me from truly loving myself and being confident?

My strength throughout this process was/is rooted in my relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ. He saved me and gave me the power to persevere. Many of the steps required were painful. I had to dive head-first into my brokenness. Though the things I share will help any man, whether a believer or not, I would be remiss, not to mention that God gives me supernatural strength to overcome the hardships of life. I relied upon Him throughout the challenges of this process. He gave me the strength to persevere in it. He gave me the grit I needed to overcome.

The work I did killed many internal “demons”. I am still doing the work today and every day. Through the process, I became confident in who I am and the value I bring to the world. This has enabled me to be strong in my mind and to maximize the man God called me to be.

Here are some of the steps I took that helped me to fix myself:

How Do You Think About You?

Write down every thought you have about yourself, both good and bad. Try to put together a list of the things that roll around in your head when you think about yourself. Below are a few sources that helped me capture my thoughts. These are the types of people or events that tend to shape our mindset and how we think about ourselves. In addition to this, think about how you see yourself in different settings such as within your immediate family, extended family, work, church, community, etc.:

• Assessments (Personality, Strengths, Giftedness, etc.)
• Performance Reviews
• Spouse / Girlfriend
• Parents
• Coaches
• Bosses
• Coworkers
• Friends
• Anyone
• Trama
• Hardships
• Failures
• Victories

Put in the time to develop a reasonably exhaustive list of how you think about yourself.

What is Not True?

Review the list and strike through all that is false. Why are these things in your thoughts? When in your life did you start thinking this way? What happened? Who was involved?

For example, many men grow up having difficulty with rejection and inadequacy. Often, these thoughts come from early relationships with their parents. There are many reasons for this but it is often because they were ignored, neglected, or felt like they could never measure up. They tried to get approval from those they love, but it never happened. So even when they grow up and are successful in life, they still carry around the idea in their heads that they are not good enough and will never be fully accepted. They yearn for acceptance. The unresolved issues that caused this thinking will need to be revisited and fully addressed. Otherwise, these thoughts will continue to fuel behaviors that make it difficult for many relationships in his life. He will often find himself overreacting to criticism and escalating simple disagreements, especially with people they love and respect. This man will struggle to be strong and bring stability into his relationships. The marriage relationship and fatherhood tend to take the biggest toll.

What do you need to face and resolve? Is there a conversation you need to have with a parent, spouse, or friend? Do you need to bring something into the light that you have been ignoring? Confront the issue, put it on the table, and talk it out. Bring it into the light. Nothing gets fixed in the dark. These things fester in the darkness and tend to get worse over time. They will take deeper roots in your mind. Bring it out and work on it.

What is True That You Don’t Like?

Review the list and circle everything true that you don’t like. These items are your worklist. These are things you need to work on and level up. These are likely things that negatively impact your confidence. Some of them may be addictions; porn, alcohol, food, etc. They have been with you so long they have become part of your identity and how you think about yourself. You must change these to gain the confidence you desire. Reach out to men you trust that have won these battles. Tell them about your struggles and the change you want to make. Listen for advice and develop actions. Nothing changes without taking action. Take action and improve. Start to fix these items. 

In addition to addictions start working on anything else you do not like. For example, if you are overweight or not physically fit, you need to work on this. Your fitness level will play into your ability to love yourself and be confident in who you are. If you do not like how you dress, this is what you need to work on. This will play into your ability to be confident in who you are, especially around others. Whatever it is, you need to work on the things you do not like and strengthen them.

As you work to improve, you must routinely evaluate where you are on these items and update your list. Eventually, if you continue to do the work these issues will transform from weaknesses to strengths. When they do, you need to make sure your mindset is updated with the improvements. Many men fix things on the surface but still think about themselves as “they were” rather than as “they are.” This is a critical part of the process. Continually update and align your thinking with your reality.

What is True That You Like?

How has God gifted you? What are the things you are just a “natural” at doing? When you do them, you positively impact people. You have success and help others have success. You win.

I believe God has equipped every person in unique ways to impact this world. God will often lead you to your mission in life through the process of discovering these things. 

(For more on finding your mission read: Living Life in the Sweet Spot of Your Unique Design)

What about experiences you have had that have made their mark on you? These often result in great life lessons that you find yourself revisiting often for yourself and for others. These experiences have shaped you in ways that now enable you to bring value to the world. 

What are you passionate about? What gets you fired up? When you talk about these things, you feel the excitement building in you, and you can often see the excitement building in others. 

What skills do you have that are easy for you but not so easy for others? These are life skills you’ve learned that make you a valuable man within certain circles. All these things are strengths that you should think about often. This is who you are and the value you bring to this world. As you grow and improve this list will grow and so will your confidence and strength.

Do The Work

Nothing happens without taking action. Build the plan and start doing the work. Action changes things. Start moving forward just a little every day. Do one thing every day that moves things in the direction that makes you a better man. Start building a man you respect. Build the man you want to be.

Fix the areas that are lies. Address the root causes.

Fix the areas that are true that you don’t like. Do the work to make those weak areas strong. 

Lean into the areas you know you are strong. Play to those strengths and make them even stronger. 

Often reassess as you change. Update your mind to align with the work you are doing. If you consistently work, you will be in a constant state of change. Make sure your mind comes along with your improvement, and your thinking aligns with the new you.

A better man is available to those that put in the work. So put in the consistent work and maximize the man God created you to be. Become all He intended. Do not allow anything to stand in your way.

Be strong. Be a man of GRIT.

In Your Corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

How do we stay grounded when the world unravels around us? This is an important question. I believe groundedness is an essential characteristic for men. God designed us to be a source of strength for those around us. We are to be the rock among crashing waves and the oak that bends but never breaks in the storm. When we are strong and grounded, the world around us can be in utter chaos, but we can think with clarity; we are steady inside and are able to make the calls that need to be made.

I have led within the steel industry for years. I have faced stressful situations and led teams out of challenging scenarios to victory many times throughout my career. I have done this from the ground floor, supervisor, manager, and general manager levels. But it was only recently I stepped back and thought about how to develop this groundedness. So, over the past few years, I have zeroed in on building this ability and becoming stronger. This post summarizes how I am doing this in my life.

Staying grounded is directly correlated to our inner strength. Building inner strength is something I am doing in three ways. The first is in developing my relationship with God. The second is the daily development of my body, mind, and spirit. And the third is developing purposeful relationships with strong brothers. Continuous development of these three areas has built the core of my inner strength as a man more than anything else in my life.

The Core of My Strength

God My Strength

At the center of my core is God. God is the ultimate strength in our universe, the Almighty God. There is no power or strength beyond him. He is my main source of strength and wisdom. He is the one I completely trust with my life.

We can fool ourselves and are often blinded to reality as human beings. Our assessment of ourselves and others can sometimes be skewed and distorted because of the influence of sin in our lives. God is apart from that influence, and he sees all things outside the confines of time. He sees things as they are. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. In him, we have insight that goes far beyond human understanding. He directs our path according to what is best for us from an eternal perspective. He guides us in living in ways that support his mission in this world. In following Jesus, I have entrusted my entire life to God. He is the Creator and Master of my soul.

God will always be at the center and the primary source of my strength. He offers through his spirit supernatural strength in my soul. The more I am plugged into him and doing his will; the more evident his supernatural power will be in me.

I develop this strength in God in a few ways. One way is by reading and studying the Bible, which gives me a better understanding of God, myself, and how to relate to Him. I also talk to him often throughout my day. I speak to him about what I learned and ask His wisdom regarding applying it in this life. Finally, and most importantly, I put what I learned into action by faith. Putting God’s principles into action requires faith and trust. Faith in action is when God’s power becomes a reality in us. Taking action triggers the supernatural power of God. Action aligned with His truth brings power for life.

Body, Mind, Spirit

After God, the second piece of my core inner strength comes from routinely engaging myself in building a strong body, mind, and spirit. There is an interconnectedness in these three that many do not realize. I have discovered that building strength in my physical body also strengthens my mind. One way my mind becomes stronger is by overcoming difficulties. It is hard to consistently train. In doing so we are often overcoming hardship. For example, I find myself often fighting the battle in my mind to skip a workout or cheat on my diet. But I have discovered that every time I overcome these things, I gain strength mentally. The man who can routinely step up and do something he does not feel like doing physically will also leverage that into many other aspects of his life. That man will multiply his wins.

This mental strength also enables me to be more disciplined in my spiritual life. I find it easier to establish daily routines that draw me closer to God and fans His fire in my spirit.

The other thing that happens when you routinely workout is you gain energy and stamina. This makes everything easier. When you are faced with situations that require you to step up to the plate and make things happen, you are ready. Even when you’ve worked hard and are tired, you have developed the ability to go just a little more. You can respond to the hardships and surprises of life the right way because you are not exhausted from a life of lazy complacency. You can always dig deeper and respond according to your values rather than react based on your emotions.

Body, mind, and spirit are interrelated. My recommendation is always to start with the physical. Workout, eat right and get good sleep. Build that routine into your daily life and then build the mental and spiritual. As I did, you will likely discover that many of your mental and spiritual failures/victories are related to your physical condition.

Brotherhood

Lastly, the third piece of my core strength comes from surrounding myself with high-value men who are on a path of continuous improvement. It is not good enough to just surround yourself with men. You need to surround yourself with men that are also dialing themselves in physically, mentally, and spiritually.

These need to be men working to be in the top 10% or better of society. They need to be driven men that are on a mission. They desire to be solid men that lead solid families, influence workplaces, influence the world, and other men. This desire drives action. They are DOING things to become better, not just talking about it.

These men will speak truth into your life and tell you the hard stuff that others will not tell you. These need to be men that are content but never satisfied. They will be improving themselves right up until their last day on this earth. This is hard to find. I could not find this in my life until I found the Fraternity of Excellence. Only there could I see men that were genuinely driven to the degree that inspired me and encouraged me to work hard and become a better man.

Practical Application to Life

I continually ask myself how I am doing in these three core areas. If I am solid, I know I can move out and engage with strength and effectiveness without being sidetracked by the stresses and pressures of life.

Strength in my core puts me in a position of power to be effective as I engage my immediate family, wife, and son. Likewise, being solid with God, self, strong brothers, and immediate family puts me in an excellent position to engage friends and extended family effectively and in strength.

This continues to work relationships, community relationships, and the world.

I routinely assess my engagement and effectiveness in these areas starting from the core and moving outward. Suppose I begin to sense myself unraveling, worrying, not engaging effectively. In that case, I move my focus back toward my core and repair or reinforce the point of weakness until I am solid enough to move out again. This process will never end in this life. It is a continuous cycle that requires work from now to my last day. This also emphasizes how important it is to have strong routines in place to continuously feed the core of our strength.

Once outside my Core,  engagement with others is prioritized by my personal values. For me, my values drive the following priorities in the following order.

Priority #1 – Immediate Family

Priority #2 – Friends and Extended Family

Priority #3 – Work Relationships

Priority #4 – Community Relationships

Priority #5 – World Relationships

So what about you? What is your core? How are you strengthening your core? How often do you assess where you are? How are you doing when the stress levels rise? Start to build your core. Establish your routines and establish consistency so that you will be a man that stays grounded in chaotic times.

Got questions? Reach out @ menofgrit.j3lead@gmail.com

In Your Corner,

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

The unstoppable drive to achieve results or outcomes despite resistance or obstacles … This is grit. Grit is something all men should strive to develop in their lives. It is the mental toughness that makes men solid rocks. The man with grit is the stalwart that leads others through the storms of life. This is what men are called to be.

When I was 12 years old, I went deer hunting for the first time. My dad took me to hunting camp, which was located in the mountains of Pennsylvania. I was the first son of all the men to enter into this “fraternity” called hunting camp. It was something I looked forward to from my earliest memories. This was going to be my first time among the men doing men things. And in Pennsylvania, hunting camp was a strong part of the culture of men.

I entered hunting camp with eyes and ears wide open. I was there to listen, learn, and find my place in this world of men. As a young man, I had a strong desire to develop into a man who deserved to “sit at the table” among other men.

That year we had a lot of snow, and it was extremely cold, much colder than the norm. In addition to this, I would be hunting with a man that had a reputation as a true mountain man. My dad hunted hard and often hunted deeper into the mountains than most hunters in camp. He had stories of hard hunts that required effort above and beyond what most men were willing to give. He often ventured so far from his truck he had to find the nearest road and hitchhike back to his vehicle. He worked hard in his pursuit of the whitetail buck. Though he never put pressure on me, I felt like I needed to live up to that reputation as his son.

So when we hunted that first day, it was bitter cold. These were different times, and the clothing of the day was not what it is today. The synthetics that wick sweat from the body and hold heat did not exist back then. And so we sat as long as we could. To generate body heat, we would get up and work our way through the snow to another spot.

After several hours, despite our efforts to stay warm,  I was shaking like a leaf. My dad was visibly concerned, and he asked me if I wanted to go back to camp to warm up. In my heart, I wanted to stick it out, but I was having a hard time.

After asking me a couple more times, I eventually said yes. We started walking back toward our vehicle. On the way, we walked down the side of the mountain to a small stream. There we ran into another hunter dragging a buck he had just shot. We talked with him for a few minutes. After we went our separate ways, I told my dad I thought I could stay out for the remainder of the day. We did. We made it to dark.

This was one of those times when I was able to dig deep and push through great discomfort to achieve something I had dreamed about for years. I wanted to get a buck. I also wanted to prove I could handle the hardship of hunting in the roughest conditions. I knew my best chance of getting a buck was to stay out for the entire day. In Pennsylvania, the first day presents the greatest opportunity to see that shooter buck. There are more hunters in the woods, and as a result, more deer are being pushed to move. This was my best chance. My determination overcame my discomfort.

That night something happened that impacted me. While sitting among the men in camp I realized I did something that many grown men did not do. Most men came back to camp mid-day because of the harsh conditions. We, however, stayed out from dark to dark. The men in camp were impressed. I felt like this was one step toward earning a place at the table among men. I could tell by the way they looked at me that I earned a level of respect.

I did not get a buck for another two years, but I learned something about myself that first year. I was able to push through hardship and garner the respect of other men. I was learning about the power of grit. Grit would serve me well throughout my life, whether playing sports, doing the things others did not want to do at work or just pushing forward to achieving daily goals. Even today, I continue to look for ways to further develop this grit. To me, it is a superpower in the life of men.

So when I think about developing grit I think about three words: Desire, Hardship, and Reinforcement.

Desire

We need a strong, lasting desire to want to be men of grit.

Men desire to be men worthy of respect. As in my story at 12, I had a strong desire to “earn a seat at the table of men” and show that I have what it takes to down a whitetail buck. I wanted to prove myself to be a man among men, a man worthy of respect. This fueled my determination and pushed me beyond what I thought I could do. In this, I began to develop grit.

When I think about it, I realize that most men respect those that overcome obstacles and hardships and go on to win. Most men desire to be that kind of man. So a foundational part of developing grit is a strong desire to possess it and demonstrate it. We need to see its value and want to be men of grit.

But there is more to making this a lasting desire. Often, the challenge with this desire is maintaining it over time. The desire to be a man of grit can wane when we think we are alone in the fight. This is especially true if we are surrounded by men that have no desire for grit. In this situation, with no support, it can be difficult to stay on the path. One way to ensure this does not happen is to surround ourselves with men that also value this mindset.

So it is important to evaluate the men we are closest to. Are they aligned and supportive? Are they helping us or hindering us in our quest to be stronger men? In this process, we may discover we need to make some difficult decisions. We may need to pull away from some and seek new ones to ensure we are surrounded by the right men with the right values.

I have discovered that our tribe of men makes a huge difference in our ability to stay the course. We need to be a part of a group of men who are always pushing and never giving up. When you surround yourself with these men, you will automatically start becoming the same type of man. You will have no choice.

Hardship

Life is full of hardships. We do not have to live long to figure this out. Every time we turn around, it seems we face challenges that make life difficult. It will always be this way. Jesus himself told us, “In this world, you will have trouble.” So when faced with hardship, we are given an opportunity to either fight or quit.

Quitters push until things get really hard and then give up to return to comfort. Quitters will be defeated. They cannot win consistently. The only person that wins consistently is the one that fights. Grit is about responding with the will to fight.

Building up the will to keep fighting is something we can develop. Over time we can learn how to lean into hardship and develop the grit to never give up and win. But rather than waiting for the next hardship, we need to build hard things into our lives.

So what hard things are we doing that will help us develop more grit in our lives? I have found the best place for me to consistently do hard things is in my workouts. First of all, I get up at 4:30 am every day. That in itself is hard. But also, I try to mix up my workouts, so they continue to be difficult. I push myself in this area all the time.

But I also push into hard things in other areas of my life. For example, at work, I lean into those things I do not particularly enjoy doing and get them done first. I force myself to have conversations I would rather not have. At home, I do the things I would rather avoid without giving myself time to think through how much it will suck. These are all ways we can develop grit.

What we discover is that this battle is almost entirely in the mind. Our minds naturally want to take the easiest, safest route. It is all about self-preservation and avoiding pain. We are wired this way. But this is not what is best for us as men. High-value men are those with the ability to handle hardship well. We are called to be the solid rock for those around us.

The only way to dial this in is to routinely enter into hardship and develop the grit to persevere through it with strength. This needs to become the way we live our lives. Building hardship into our routine will make us stronger physically, mentally, and spiritually. We need to push up against difficult situations that make our minds tell us it is time to give up. When we start thinking, we cannot do more, we need to push a little further. Routinely move past that point.

We must stay on top of this. Because once we start a routine to get better, we will improve to the point where hard is no longer hard. Our mind adjusts to new “limits.” We need to continuously push past these “limits.”  Push into the things that suck.

Reinforcement

Keep the fire going.

One of the greatest reinforcements of grit for me has been the results produced by this mindset. Grit in my diet and exercise resulted in losing 28 pounds of fat, developing muscle, and feeling great. But this impacted so much more than what I see in the mirror. With it came confidence, mental strength, and stronger abilities in other areas with nothing to do with physical strength.

Developing grit has helped me in having the will power to eliminate vices and bad habits. This has resulted in a sense of freedom within my soul. My experience is that developing grit in one area of my life always produces results in other areas of my life, and those results are always far greater than I anticipated they would be.

Another area of reinforcement comes from my tribe of men. The feedback from other men we respect reinforces the pursuit of developing grit. When your tribe recognizes the grit in you by what you consistently do, it fuels your desire to do it more often.

In leading men, we often talk about if you want a good action to repeat itself, you need to recognize it. What you recognize is likely to repeat itself. If you are a part of a tribe of men pursuing excellence in all aspects of being a man and you are putting in the work, they will see and acknowledge your work. This is like a shot in the arm. This is especially true when it comes from men you respect. This is one more reason why it is important to surround yourself with the right men pursuing the right things.

Call to Action

What areas of your life are weak and in need of more grit? Identify one or two. Now, what can you do in those areas that you know will be hard but will make you a better man? Do that thing today. Do not fall into the trap of planning or figuring out how you will do it later. Just do it now. Then adjust. Plan while doing. Plan how you can be consistent and develop your routine. But start doing. Once you are in motion, you are most likely to keep going. DO and push yourself until what you are doing gets hard.

Secondly, build your tribe of men of grit. Find men that will support the direction you are going. Find men that are going in the same direction of continuously improving.

If you do not have a tribe or cannot find a tribe. Join mine. I am a member of the Fraternity of Excellence. Click on the link here or on my home page to find out more.

Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

In your corner,

“As Iron Sharpens Iron, so one man sharpens another. “

You have a tendency to waver in your mind. You want to be a stronger, more decisive, determined man. But where do you start the journey to developing this mentally strong mindset?

Here are 7 lessons I have learned in my personal journey that have helped me develop a stronger masculine mindset.

Enjoy the read!

BE YOU AND STAY YOU

As men, we have difficulty being mentally strong because we waver about who we are. For many of us, this is because we are chasing ideas that are not aligned with our true selves. Too often the ideas in our heads are based upon what others think we should be rather than who we really are.

We chase opinions, validation, and the expectations of others. These tend to come from influential people in our lives. This includes parents, spouses, coaches, bosses, friends, and people we respect. We desire to please them and measure up to their standards. Unfortunately, many times this causes us to leave who we are and chase after something that is not authentic. This can lead to frustration and a lack of confidence. With this incongruence within, it will be impossible to be mentally strong.

We must rid our minds of these false ideas. To do this I found it essential to understand how I have been designed in personality, strengths, gifts, and abilities. This is the foundation of who I am. A good place to start this process is by following the steps outlined in this previous post – Living Life in the Sweet Spot of Your Unique Design.

In addition to understanding our design, we need to think through our beliefs and values. Take the time to write all of this down. Think it through and narrow it down to develop the idea of who you really are.

With this information, it is time to renew our minds. Sort through the ideas in our heads. Hold on to those that are true and reject those that are not.

For me, I read through this information regularly. I find the repetition helpful. It reprograms my mind which had been operating with false ideas formed over many years. It takes time and hard work to change our thinking.

This is the man we must stay true to in thought and action. This is our core. With this established, we lock it into our minds and do not allow anyone or anything to deter us from walking true to our selves.

We must be willing to learn but unwilling to become something we are not. We must know ourselves and stay true to this but at the same time, continually work to make ourselves better.

So make sure you are solid about who you are. Rid yourself from chasing ideas that are not aligned with you. This is an essential step to being a mentally strong man.

LIVE ON MISSION

The mentally strong man is the man on mission. We need to determine our mission and pursue it with our entire life. I believe every man is designed in a specific way to impact the world. It is our responsibility to figure out how we are designed and the impact we are to have. From this, we can begin to build our mission.

In my experience mission builds on the first step of who you are. Because when you know how you are designed and who you are, you begin the process of understanding your mission.

So, put in the work to discover your mission. Then, establish a daily routine to strengthen yourself to accomplish that mission. Make this mission a priority and you will grow stronger and gain confidence. You will be a man that knows who he is, why he is here, and where he is going. You will have direction and purpose. This is a powerful step in becoming a mentally strong man. So, start your journey to living as a man on a mission.

PUSH INTO HARDSHIP

The mentally strong man routinely pushes himself into doing hard things.

I have discovered a large majority of men chase comfort. Too often, we listen to the voice in our mind that yearns for the comfortable. Comfort is our enemy. Comfort takes life from men. As you gravitate toward comfort, you become fat and weak. Comfortable men are weak men physically, mentally, and spiritually. The man that chases comfort will never be the mentally strong man.

The mentally strong man pushes past comfort and past the limits set in his mind. This man will pursue hardship, knowing it will make him a better man. He does not cower. He confronts it head-on and leans into it.

So what hard things are you avoiding right now? You need to start doing these things today. If you do not, you will continue down a path that will not end well. You will become everything you never wanted to be as a man. You cannot allow that to happen. You must routinely push yourself into hard things. This habit will make you a mentally strong man.

PUSH THROUGH FEAR

The mentally strong man moves forward in boldness without fear. Fear of failure is one of the many fears that hold men back. We create reasons in our minds as to why or why not to do something. These keep us from being successful in life. Fear creates obstacles in our minds and keeps us from becoming stronger men. We must fight against fear.

Never sit back when you sense fear. Instead, push forward doing what you know you should do. Make things happen. Pushing into areas of fear develops boldness and courage. As a man, God created you to be bold and courageous. Develop this by fighting fear.

So pick a place of fear in your life and push into it. Do the thing you fear most that you know will make you stronger. Start growing by pushing through fear. You will become mentally stronger.

DO – BE A MAN OF ACTION

The mentally strong man does the things he knows he should do.

We need to do them whether we think we are ready or not. We need to push ourselves to spend less time planning and more time doing. I am not saying planning does not have its place. However, we learn so much more when we DO.

I have discovered that I complete far more by doing things BEFORE I think I am ready. While others are still thinking about it, I am doing it and learning as I go.

DOING is the only thing that changes things. Planning, thinking, talking about it changes nothing. Many times these things are just different forms of procrastination. Do not fool yourself. You are changing nothing until you are DOING something different. Be a man of ACTION. The mentally strong man is the man that is DOING.

IGNORE FEELINGS

Learn to ignore “what you feel like doing.” Your feelings cannot have a say in what you do. A life led by emotions is a life that drifts without direction and purpose. This life will end in disaster. We naturally drift into areas that are bad and destructive. It is our nature to fall into places that destroy us rather than strengthen us.

Our feelings are often our enemy. We need to approach feelings that way when it comes to our daily discipline. Our feelings are out to destroy what we are trying to build. Are we going to let that happen? We cannot. We need to be men that do not back down. We need to beat those feelings into submission by doing the very thing we do not feel like doing.

Be a man that ignores feelings and instead lives a life full of self-control and discipline. The man that controls his feelings is a mentally strong man.

THE MOST DETERMINED MAN WINS

The victory in this life does not always go to the most talented men. Success is most often found by men that do not give up. These men are not deterred by hardship and difficulty. Instead, they drive harder when faced with adversity. They continue to learn and apply their new knowledge. They are full of determination and grit.

What I have discovered is there are few men like this. Being this way will make you better than 90% of the men in this world. If you push yourself to the next level, you are on your way to becoming the top 1%.

So we need to be men that work at what we want every day. We will see victories in our lives. We will be mentally stronger men.

Begin Today

Brothers, these are a few lessons I have learned that have helped me become stronger mentally. What about you? Which ones hit home? Don’t wait. Begin today to get after it and take action. Our world needs men that are mentally strong. Get on that path and be that man!

Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

Thank you for your visit to Men of Grit!

In your corner,

“As Iron Sharpens Iron, so one man sharpens another. “

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

Confidence is critical to being a great man. You must believe in yourself. When you do, you can achieve great things. You will influence the world around you. You will be able to lead as men are called to lead. You will have the impact God designed you to have.

But confidence is something we should be continually developing. We should be putting in the work to strengthen this mental attitude. We should believe in our God-given gifts and abilities and take action through them to impact the world around us. This world needs this kind of mentally strong masculine man. You are called to be that kind of man.

Here are four things you can do to grow in confidence.

Know Yourself and Live Authentically

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many men do not know themselves well. I did not. I spent many years thinking of myself through this combination of what I had learned about myself, others’ opinions, and my perception of what others thought about me. Some ideas rolling around in my head were true. Some were not. It has taken some time for me to think through these things and sort them out.

Take the time to think through how you see yourself. What is the mental picture rolling around in your head? I suggest you write it down. Ask yourself, who am I? Do a brain dump of all the different ways you describe yourself. Now start to think through each one of these, asking yourself where these ideas have come from? Challenge what you think you know about yourself. Is it true? Why do you think so? Is there a strong basis and foundation for these ideas?

Do some research. Take a few assessments and determine your personality, strengths, gifts, and abilities. What have you been designed to do really well in this life? Begin to replace what is false with what is true. Write it down.

This concept, along with the next about developing a mission, is discussed in detail in “Living Life in the Sweet Spot of Your Unique Design.” You will find helpful direction in determining your personality, strengths, gifts, and abilities in this article. I recommend you take the time to read through it.

Identify the things you see as positive and the things you see as negative. Enhance the positives and develop a plan to improve the negatives. Once you form a list of things you know to be true about yourself, read this routinely. Do the work to renew your mind and strengthen yourself mentally in who you are. Work to make sure the way you think about yourself aligns with what you know to be true. Revisit this as you improve and adjust accordingly.

A key to confidence is understanding your strengths and weaknesses. Working to enhance your strengths and improve your weaknesses will begin to build confidence. If you build a routine to make this happen, you will be miles ahead of 90% of the men around you. You will be well on your way to becoming a top 1 % man. Your confidence will follow.

Develop Your Mission and Pursue It

How does your personality, strengths, gifts, and abilities relate to your mission? Organize the things that are true about you and write down how they can be used to have a positive impact. These characteristics of “you” work together to bring value to the world. What is it? How can you bring this value to more people more often?

Below is an example of how this is playing out for me.

For me, my personality type is ENTJ-A. This personality has a heavy leaning toward leadership. It is described using words like inspires, draws people together, determined, achiever, strategic, etc. My strengths (StrengthFinder 2.0) are Futuristic, Strategic, Maximizer, Learner, and Achiever. My strengths are casting a vision, developing the strategy to achieve it, continuously improving, and learning while being driven to achieve goals. In addition to this, my spiritual gifts are Leadership (Administration) and Teaching.

I have always had a passion to connect with and inspire men to live strong, masculine lives that impact the world around them. This has played itself out in leading men in the steel industry, leading men’s ministry, and coaching/mentoring men in their careers and in life in general. This blog is another step to expanding this passion.

Using my unique design I am on mission to maximize my own impact as a masculine man and in turn lead other men in these lessons so they too can maximize their impact. I want men to succeed in life. This is the reason for the blog and what drives me. I will continue to build on this and take action to expand this mission.

What about you? What is your mission? Have you identified it? What are you doing to pursue it? Take action to pursue your mission. The mission-minded man knows where he is going and why. This breeds confidence.

Develop a Continuous Improvement Mindset and Take Action

Developing a continuous improvement mindset is another key to growing in confidence as a man. I know I am stronger today than I was yesterday because I work every day to grow stronger. I have daily routines to improve physically, mentally, and spiritually. So whatever I was yesterday, I am a little better today. This mindset brings confidence.

To develop a continuous improvement mindset requires two critical characteristics, humility and courage.

Humility

I don’t know everything. As a matter of fact, the more I learn, the more I realize how much I do not know. This fuels my drive to learn. I am convinced, God willing, that I will continue to learn up to my last day of life.

But many of us as men limit ourselves by not listening. We shut down our minds to some ideas. This could be because of personal, ideological, or philosophical differences. We automatically go into a mode that closes our minds to the possibility that some ideas might have value. As a result, we gain nothing and limit our ability to learn something that may help us to improve.

A lack of humility hinders growth and the rate of improvement we experience. A continuous improvement mindset is always listening and aggressively looking for the nugget we can apply to grow. What can I use that aligns with my mission and will help me have a greater impact? This is a mindset we must develop.

Ask yourself about how you respond to new information. Are you generally open to ideas, or do you automatically shut down and close your mind? If you change this and dig into ideas who knows what kind of golden nuggets you may mine.

Develop the humility to learn new things.

Courage

Put yourself out there as a learner. Developing a continuous improvement mindset requires courage. If we want to improve rapidly, we need to identify our gaps, express them to the right people that can help us, and then listen. Too often, we as men do not put ourselves out there. We have a hard time admitting our struggles, failures, and ignorance about a topic. We will not admit we have gaps between who we are and who we want to be. Too often, we are embarrassed or self-conscience with too much concern about what others think. So we hold it in and miss the opportunity to grow. Courage is required.

We have to be more determined to improve our lives than we are to protect our egos. We have to develop a mindset that we could care less about what other people think and move forward. Those “other people” will never care as much as we do about our improvement. We cannot allow our concern about them to run our lives. We need to take control. We need to have enough courage to man up and put ourselves out there.

The longer I live, the more I realize that everyone has baggage. Everyone has a struggle. Some have the courage to admit it, and some do not. Do not be the guy that does not. Be determined to improve and have the courage to make it happen.

This process of admitting our struggles and asking for help will itself develop strength and confidence. Every time we exercise courage and push through pain and hardship, we become stronger. This should be our norm. We should routinely face hard challenges and step up to them no matter what the cost. Every time we do, we separate ourselves from the pack. In doing so we will lead with courage. We will gain confidence.

Engage with High Value Men that Push You to Excellence

Identify men in your life that are of a similar mindset. Find men that want to be more purposeful in life. They want to have an impact. They want accountability and strength to help stay on the path to becoming a better man. Reach out to these types of men and start working together.

In today’s world, this can happen by utilizing technology. You can have routine virtual meetings. You do not have to live near each other. Though it is always good to meet face to face and build that bond it is not needed to get started.

Think about who you can engage with. Maybe it is someone you interact with on social media that you have noticed is committed to going in the direction you want to go. Reach out to two or three men you know through your church, work, gym, or other social groups and start working together.

There are many men’s organizations online today that may fit you. My group is The Fraternity of Excellence. Being a member of this group has helped me tremendously. It has put me in association with high-value men that keep me on the path. They, too, want to be better men. There are other groups similar to FoE. Do your research and find a group that fits you and your path.

Being on a team of good men is like putting gas on the fire when it comes to improving. In this article, I go into detail about the advantages of being connected to high-value men. Read, Tremendous Advantages of Connecting with High-Value Brothers. Improve your confidence as a man by being connected to other high-value men.

Accept the Challenge

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” – Mark Twain

Confidence can be developed. But like anything in life you must do the work. You need to determine you want to change and then start taking steps to make it happen.

More important than having a great plan is to start DOING. You have to get started. If something in this article hit the mark and you know it would help you gain confidence do it right now. Finish this article and start doing it.

Making a plan does not change anything. Thinking about it does not change anything. Talking about it does not change anything. ONLY DOING CHANGES THINGS. Be the man you were called to be and DO!

Love you brothers!

Add your comments in the comments section below or send me an email by clicking on “EMAIL” on the menu bar above. I appreciate the feedback! If you like this post, click the like button below.

Thank you for your visit to Men of Grit!

In your corner,

“As Iron Sharpens Iron, so one man sharpens another. “